Words

[hypatia42]

Skank. Slutty slutty whore. *thoughtful look* Both of these terms have been used in regards to me, in the past week but also over the past year. By people that love me and generally use them in an endearing tone of voice. Not really sure how to deal with that.

I understand that poly people have been trying to reclaim slut as a positive term. I don't particularly feel one way or the other about it. I just can't feel there is any good connotation of the two above other than the one that is being put into it by the people I know. Not really sure there should be good connotations. Its kinda of a strange place to be. I don't particularly think of myself as either one(*see previous post about other people's perceptions). Also, I don't have issues with it since I *so* don't see myself that way. At what point do I need to step in and say something? I don't even know...

Comments

[theladyshannon.livejournal.com]

What are your opinions/perceptions of Ethical Slut and Sacred Whore?

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I don't think either of those have been reclaimed to the point where they have positive connotations even within the poly community ("whore" or "slut" by itself, maybe, but not with those adjectives).

Was there context? Is it possible it's an undercurrent of resentment? Either way, I'd pull the speaker aside and explain that it didn't come across as a positive descriptor. And if they can't understand that, strongly consider cutting that person loose from your world.

[nkcmike.livejournal.com]

Don't let others define who/what you are. Reserve that privilege unto yourself.

[eolas16.livejournal.com]

I'd say that if you're not comfortable with the tag being applied to you, and it sounds like you're not, you're free to say "That's not me."

I don't believe in a lot of "taking it back" style campaigns for english words. "Slut" and "whore" mean very specific things to 90% of the population, and why should you get smeared with that same social brush just because someone is "taking it back" and is calling you that "playfully"?

So yeah, feel free to tell someone "don't call me that" whenever you don't feel it's appropriate. Even though you feel as though it doesn't touch you, since you're not this thing they're calling you, it's a societal label that is unpleasant to have thrown in your general direction, especially since not everyone knows the context.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

I'm fine with the redefinition of 'slut', because it implies rethinking the feelings around the behavior, and I'm in favor of that. 'Whore' is rather a middle ground; even sacred whores got PAID, and if there's no money changing hands, I'm not seeing it.

'Skank' is bothersome, though. I can't really find a good context for that word, even in the most sex-positive end of the pool. Who the hell said that about you, and to what were they referring? I don't get it.

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

I am know I am a bit more conservative, but I can't see any of those names being a positive.

I do accept that taking back those words can be powerful, but I guess I am struggling to find the context that those words would be playful or fun.

I would try and address the speaker.

[libwitch.livejournal.com]

I just can't see "skank" ever as a positive or endearing thing, no matter from whom, or how its used. Maybe because it is simply one of those words that has always grated on my nerves.

"Slut" I would be a bit more offended about, I think. To me a slut is someone who just has sex for the sex of sex, regardless of consequences. No thought, just action. A whore does it for money; which I don't think is a bad thing all the time. Hell, sometimes whores are more honest about it then sluts.

But that is just *my* definition, others may differ.

(There is nothing wrong with someone who enjoys sex, or offers it freely, but is not without thought and responsbility.)

[hypanebliss.livejournal.com]

A and I use "slutty slutty whore" as pretty much a meaningless connotation. Based upon the charged responses above I'd say people really take that completely at face value. I really get tired of folks constantly picking and choosing when statements are evaluated literally or not. If we're all going to shoot for making impeccable statements 100% of the time that is fine. But I think that it takes a lot more time to truly think before speaking. I don't believe people are accostumed to that sort of scrutiny in their language structure. With writing it's easier. We can go back numerous times looking over and over again while analyzing.

"Skank" is uncalled for in my personal view. I'm not sure I could say that one without a negative connotation.

And all of these depend on context, the setting in which they are used, vocal tonality and facial expression. None of which transfers over into LJ so it's impossible for the folks above to get a good vibe for the situation.

However, as always in life...if you are offended by something and it hurts your feelings I think you should speak up. :)

[arielmn.livejournal.com]

J and I will call each other names, but that is when the name is the furthest descriptor of how we are behaving. He has called me a harpy, orge bitch when I have done or tried to do something very nice.

Does that make sense? If the same names where used in an argument, my reaction would be quite different.

If he called me a slut it would probably be under similar circumstances, but whore or skank would be too far for humor's sake. (YMMV)