hypatia42

I feel like I need a word coined for the opposite sort of empathy feeling that compersion indicates. Everything I have seen says that compersion is all about happy and joy and I need one that is feeling sad when someone you love feels sad. It is also a strange feeling to want to talk to someone and say things like, "How on earth would you think it is a good idea to break up with my lover? Can't you tell he is truly awesome?"

( cut for feminine tmi, you have been warned )

I have decided on a moniker for Berkie's manpanion. I can't really call him that myself since he isn't my manpanion. Still she is his Companion and since The Doctor has a Companion I have decided that is his name. It fits rather well and his habit of being a snappy dresser doesn't hurt things. It will be shorted to Doc for ease of typing cause I am lazy.

The body pain can go away now thx. I have been in pretty serious pain since getting home. Its like my body wants to go back to the ocean or something. *eyeroll* What am I going to do with myself? Sunday I got stung by a something at the farmer's market. Immediate pain. I didn't recognize it as venom poison pain until I found the welt 12 hours later, enough time that it had well and truly spread into my system. Still trying to deal with that one working its way out. I might ought to take another benadryl.

I feel so much better when I can get into the ocean. I know I have said this. It doesn't really help. The closest ocean is in the memory of the rocks beneath my feet. The land itself knows what it means to be water. And we circle back to the Tiffany Aching novels. I have been threatening to reread Terry Pratchett's works. Maybe now is a good time to do that. Escapism!

Go swimming more. Get out and go.

I have been riding my bike more since getting home. I think this is a good thing. The part of my brain that wanted to get in the car and drive for hours to clear my head is now accepting that maybe riding my bike would be a decent substitute since I haven't allowed myself to indulge that portion in years. I need better lights and some sort of storage system to make it a decent transport bike. I discovered yesterday that wearing anything on my back while riding causes significant pain in the neck/shoulders area. It could also be that was irritating the sting I got on Sunday...

I am going to TeslaCon. I will have fun. Mr.Bee will be there. So will his family. It remains to be seen if I will be able to get to know him, life being what it is for two adults who each run their own business and have committed lives in different cities. I am still looking forward to seeing him. Maybe I can convince him to go swimming. :)

I'm back from Portland. ( likely to get rambly )

Current Location: the Aerie

Wow. I don't even know what to say here right now. General update-ness I suppose.

This past week I started a job that I should be able to keep through school. I'm kinda hoping I'm not going to have to get two. I have proved to the mrg that I can hold my own in verbal sparring contests. I doubt I'd ever win one with a pro but I can hold my own and score points with an average player. Working at a wine and spirits store has some advantages. Serious discounts being among them. The fact that this wine store is in the Mall? Mall discounts too. Sweet.

Learning lots about wine. Thats nice. Learning how many people who work at the Mall are constantly buzzed. Not so nice. We do have some pretty nice stock. I got three bottles of wine that I was supposed to try, evaluate and see if I could remember what kind of grape they were made of all the way to my next shift. That'd be tomorrow. I've tried one of them. An old vine red Zinfandel called Plungerhead. I didn't like it. But I do remember characteristics of it that I could share with other people if they are wanting to know about it or red zins in general. The other two are still uncorked. Have to change that soon. Hehe, I get homework that involves drinking. Whats your job? Oh wait, you probably get paid more than me.

My fingernails are berry blue. I may go out with a bang here. Not going to be able to have even short nails soon. I shortened them pretty significantly not long ago. There are a few people close to me who will simultaneously miss my claws and likely heave a huge sigh of relief. Still, I'm looking forward to starting school.

Filling out paperwork today. I don't remember doing some of this last time around. Like, I don't remember having to chose my lender. Other bits are very familiar. I swear gov't forms rarely change content. People at the school are being very helpful in this tedious process of navigating dried woodpulp.

Elevated pain levels in the past week or so. WTF? I don't know. Lots and lots of things effect pain levels. I've not been managing something properly.

Wandered around the Upton Art Fair with PIC this weekend after a lovely steak and eggs breakfast at the Herkimer. Saw lots of beautiful things. I was moved to tears a couple of times. By what you ask? Pictures of the ocean. Duh. Photography is amazing. I want to go to Greece. I want to see Santorini, the city, the bluffs, the bay, everything. I want to swim in the Mediterranean Sea. I want to visit the islands and the sacred sites. Did I mention I cried at the pictures of the ocean?

Current Location: Home

In 23 minutes I have checked LJ and read up on my comics. I may have to kill the new girl in pink. I hope the castle does it for me, and soon.

I feel like I should be asking my body, "Why are we awake right now?" But that is a fruitless line of inquiry. I've been dreaming is probably the answer. Dreaming about gay boys I haven't seen in ages, about a play being rehearsed on the other side of a curtain where something about the shape of my hand holding a glass goblet required me to get dressed and go to the other side of the curtain to help out, about reading, noticing it was going to storm, peacfully packing up and taking cover to read some more. It was not nearly as comfortable inside as it was outside. The chairs were lackluster. But the lighting was decent and I could finish the book despite the storm.

I wonder if I got to close to the hops last night in Present Moment. ;)
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Monday I started my new job. The mgr seems to like working with me just fine. According to the owner "has nothing but glowing reviews for you." Owner managed to figure out that I am more outgoing than his entire staff so as soon as I can be trusted with the job I'll be running the tastings on Sat. Says he wants me interacting with people as much as possible. Not a problem, I wouldn't have taken a job at the frickin Mall of America if I didn't want to interact with people.

Body needs to relearn how to stand for hours on end. Mind needs to remember to ask how lunch and breaks are handled. Didn't do that the other day. Had a couple of beef sticks and two bottles of water but that does not a meal make. Need to remember to not get a chai everyday I work too. Sooo not good for the calorie count.
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I got officially accepted to school yesterday. I went down there, put in the tuition deposit, got a bunch of papers to read and some to fill out. Very exciting for me. What I have committed to do in the next year is mold my hands into tools that will take me through the next phase of my life.

I kinda wonder how long we'll be here past me graduating. I also wonder if the Honey has any opinion on that... I miss KC but some of the reasons I left are still valid. It is much easier for me to live like a human being here. I miss the mountains and the ocean rather desperately but something tells me the Honey would have an opinion about moving so far away from his family.

I miss the mountains and ocean enough that I have been moved to tears everytime I have seen them lately. Looks like I might get to go to Denver in late Aug. That would be lovely. Not ocean and mountains but definitely mountains.
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Headed to KC for Labor Day weekend. Going to help Berkie open shop and get things moving there. See family and not give them too much of my energy. I did pretty well this past visit. I think going out to faire on Sat instead of Sun would be good. And I have to decide if I'm gonna be "naked" or not. I don't really know. Seems silly to go naked since the Honey got the shoes he's wanted so he'd be able to go in garb. It is also KS in early Sept. Likely to be beastly. Who am I kidding, I'm going to go in garb.

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October 2021

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