hypatia42

I posted a meme because I need a pick up every now and again just like anybody.

"Stolen from many, bc why not?

Let's build each other up today!! Put this on your status to see what people love about you. <3
I love your __________."

Answers:
-Awesomeness
-Intelligence
-Muchness
-Glitter, but especially your hugs
-Aura. You have a presence around you that is awesome.
-Silly
-Boldness (this from someone who met me at FG. I need to remember that I make an impression)
-Honesty
-Your energy, your heart, your smile. <3 (this from Doc because of course it is)
-Confidence
-Twinkling eyes
-Your radiance/inner glow. (waves to evilbunny)
-Your heart. (H/t welshbard)
-Your priestessing skill, your affinity for glitter, and your wildness.
-Smile and candor. (love from Devon. I have benefited from her candor at times too)
-I love your fearlessness. (people really see me this way??)
-The fact that you are a brigadier general of the Auntie Brigade. (gwisteria I love you)
-Lovingness
-Fearlessness ( I guess they do...)
-Photographic eye ( unexpected but insightful from sabrinamari
-Your willingness and excitement to learn. Your laugh. Your love of family and tribe.
-Fairy heart...fierce and free
-How you exude love
-Your love of loving

Two stood out with comments:
apocalypticbob said,
-Warm glow. Walking around with you is like following a dancing ember
--Can I change my answer to this? Because wow, nailed it. (doc)
--Dang. Yes. triadruid
--*blush* me

berkie said,
-I love your love. How all encompassing and warm and compassionate your love is. How it makes people see the the best in themselves and in turn make them want to be better, more. Your love is magic.
--I love you. More than words. Thank you for being in my life. me

Your love is Magic. *deep breath*

Thus begins my week without home support. I have something planned every day. I have movies to watch and a library of books, most of which I have read but keep because I will read them again. It is frighteningly cold but I have food to last me the week and the walks are clear for when I need to get out. Its not supposed to snow, nor get above zero I think.

We were cuddling earlier and I mentioned that it was very hard to get him to slow down long enough to actually cuddle with me. He got to to get something, slipped on the starch he had sprayed earlier and spent then next 30-45 min mopping the floor and cleaning the kitchen. All so I wouldn't slip and to make it easier for me while he is gone this week. Ideally I could have said, "let me do that after you leave. I would like to spend this time with you." I can't do it myself though. And because he would be terrified I would slip and fall and not be able to get help because he will be in Paris he mopped the floor.

Because he will be gone I will do my very best to remember to eat, to turn up the thermostat when I'm cold, to take my allergy meds, and to feed the cats(physically more difficult that it usually is). I will do this because he worries and because he loves me. I don't want him to worry. I will probably forget to do all of these things at some point this week. He knows this. He trusts me to take care of myself to my best ability though.

Bean tenant is going to be out of town as well. Alone in the house until Wed. Its a very big house to be all alone in. Glad the Spice Girls are here with me.

Continued prayers and energy are welcome. My next ortho appt is tomorrow at 3:45. ~~~ Healthy rapid healing. ~~~

I love when I can tell things have shifted from the old paradigm because my dreams rewrite history. That thing that went so badly? You did it right this time. You took care of yourself, you stood up for your needs, you moved on when you should have. Makes me feel like I will get it right next time.

Trying something new. Maybe sparky fire isn't what I want to be dealing with right now. I mean, instant chemistry is all well and good but it can burn you up. Mebbe a nice electric blanket will ward off the chill for a while.

Mom, I keep feeling like there are so many of my loved ones that are in crisis and there is nothing I can do. I know there is nothing I can do but I'm not good at feeling helpless. SO, I'm giving this to you. I can't keep holding on to it and living my life. I hope you can do something good with it.

It feels profound and I feel the need to document it so I will remember saying it,

"I cannot promise you I will not break your heart. I can promise you that your heart will be broken."

If you beat yourself up enough times with your practice poi you will eventually get good enough that you can light it on fire and not get burned too often. Only arrogance thinks never is possible.

I have the best husband evar. I know. I say I have the best girl evar so how can I possibly also have the best husband evar? What am I, greedy?

Not greedy. Communicative. I had a bad night Monday. I wrote earlier about how he's been gone so much lately. I asked him if he would buy me flowers this weekend. Fresh flowers often make my world better while they are here. He asked what kind, in his puzzled way cause he doesn't really get the whole flower thing. But he's the best evar cause he knows I do and that is what matters. So when I told him that I wanted daffodils or tulips or something...colorful, springy, he went online and had them shipped to the house before he even got home.

I figured we'd go over to Trader Joe's or something and grab the little bouquet for 3 bucks. 30 beautiful tulips later I was crying.

I really do ask for what I need. It doesn't decrease it in value for me at all that I've asked.

"Upon this a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, is much safer to be feared than loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with."
-Machiavelli

I think it is actually possible to be both. One of my kids recently said to their mom that I am too scary to be mad at. Niece recently called me the coolest aunt ever and in the same thought essentially said I am a hard ass (my interpretation of her words). I had just looked at her younger brother and he stopped doing what he shouldn't have been doing. Kids all over fear me. Kids all over know that they can come to me if they need Anything. They fear me because I don't bend on limits that I set. They love me for the same reason. I wish adults were as easy.

I was sitting in my living room watching TV, the Honey curled up on the couch head in my lap. He does this. He gets tired and is happy to sleep on me rather than go to bed. He keeps me warm and makes me feel like I'm not waiting up alone. Its a decent arrangement, especially since he can actually sleep like that. It would never work for me.

That's pretty much our relationship. Both of us accepting the differences we have and being willing to work with what the other prefers. Its pretty cool.

I was musing earlier on independence and depression and how I feel like I've lost one and gained the other. Much with the not liking how my brain was wandering down this path we both arrived at the same solution at the same time. Though likely we took different paths to get there. Start doing things I can do. So I'll be getting the paint buckets and brushes out and continuing work on the trim since I can't put up curtains.

I looked over to the corner of our living room behind where all the curtain stuff is. I have my broom and both of our staves stored there in the corner. Its funny to look at the two of them. Mine is cedar, who knows what his is(knowing him he picked up a piece of oak). *goes to look*

Upon further examination it looks much more like cherry. The horizontal lenticels are a dead give away. Y'see, his still has the bark and lichen on it. I'm not sure how it was cut off but he found it on a camping trip. He picked it up and was using it as a walking staff while he was out in the woods. Mud and what not still ground into the ends. Apparently liked it enough that it needed to come home with him. Its a rescue staff.

Mine is stripped of bark. Smoothed to a satin soft finish. I decided not to wax or seal it because nothing feels like this wood does. There is just something about the blond wood and the soft feel that is so comforting to me, I even like cuddling it. It tapers to a fine point where it touches the ground. Yeah, its been outside, it knows dirt. But it isn't dirty. Looking at it you might mistake it for being fragile. You'd be wrong. It is remarkably resilient and bouncy. I harvested it from a tree that was set to be destroyed on the campus of my college. They decided it didn't need to be there anymore so they tore it out of the ground. I took it and stripped the branches, then the bark and finished it down all the way to wet-dry sandpaper, grit somewhere in the thousands. I did it all. It is also a rescue staff.

I was struck at how much our staves are like us. The Honey is pretty rough and rugged most of the time. He cleans up decent but he's always solid. I'm more visually deceiving I guess. Call it elegant instead of fragile. :) Still resilient and bouncy. And strong. We both are strong. It just manifests in different ways. We both arrive at the same place from different directions.

This is a better description for how we work than I have ever come up with. So many people don't get it. I've been asked countless times how we get along, we're so different, how do we make it work? We always seem to arrive at the same place no matter what direction we take to get there.