hypatia42

Michael leaves for Paris in a little over 2 hours. He is only gone for a week this time but I am feeling depleted and down at the outset. I'm not looking forward to this week you might say. I had hoped that I would be able to go visit someone else for a part of this week but work schedules being what they are didn't match up well enough to make that happen. One step at a time, one day at a time.

The original plan for Michael to be gone the first two weeks in October and I was to fly to Dublin to visit friends. He would have met us for a long weekend and then gone on to London. We decided that wasn't wise if we truly want to go to Costa Rica next spring for his 40th. His trip got moved and shortened which is good. But, the decision to not have me go with for this trip is leaving me feeling lost and without connection.

In true ADD style I lost two of the scripts for my ADD meds. These are the kind that CANNOT be replaced if you lose them so I'm scraping by until December. A different system must be devised if I am going to continue to be on meds that are restricted from electronic transfer in the future.

It has been a rather gray fall so far. I can't say I am thrilled about where my brain is at. I don't know what to think or how to manage this right now. I keep wanting a hammock in a sauna with a sun lamp. I don't have one of those handy. I recognize that is some people's version of hell but I'm me and it is what I want. Cuddles and pets would not go amiss.

Spring is springing. Plants are pushing up above the soil. I am sneezing.

For my record, it has been 9 days since I got the massage from Dan at my chiro office. I am still covered in bruises. Some of them didn't even surface to the skin level until Saturday. Yes I did tell chiro about it. Dan was out sick so I couldn't tell him.

Today I went to a floral wholesale warehouse. OMG. Ang looked at me before taking me in and said, "This is going to be overwhelming. I need you to focus and not go all ADD on me." Good warning. Wow. I went over there because I wanted to get flowers to put in my hair for tomorrow's adventure at MIA Art In Bloom. It is a fashion floral extravaganza. I am really looking forward to it.

Originally I was supposed to have two people going with me to MIA. Then the Honey got sent to Denver this week. Now Ash has been working 20 hour days to try to finish a contract he has and likely won't be able to get that done in time to go either. I looked at the description of events tomorrow and I am going anyway. It is going to be amazing and wonderful and damned if I can't appreciate it on my own.

Gardening things need to happen but I am not in a rush for that. I have a few perennials that need to be put in and I need to make a plan for the rest of the softscaping we didn't get to last year. I feel blessed that my allergies are no where near as bad as they have been in the past. Thank you OPC3.

Business things are happening. I signed a lease for a 200sqft space that when finished will be absolutely amazing. I have one sublease signed and one other that might be interested. I have purchased a loveseat and am in the market for a couple of lamps. I need to print artwork and get it framed. I need a rug for the floor. I have to wait for the building to get more finished before I can get my business license because inspections have to happen. Ang said she would help me make the space look welcoming and professional.

I have ranunculus on my table. :D

Couldn't sleep well last night. Three days running now I have been awake 3 hours earlier than my usual. Not a good trend.

Maples are blooming. This makes me sluggish and generally more difficult to function.

The Honey is going to be away on business for the next two weeks. After being gone this week. Making multiple plans we had made null. *sigh* I get it and yet...

Massage on my arms yesterday was WAY TOO much. I am covered in bruises today. Dude. Not cool. And OW.

Clients tonight. Needed to get this all out of my head cause not helpful, y'know?

19 years today. 19 years ago I met a man who would change my life. He would help me grow into who I am and support everything I have attempted even if he thought it was a bad idea.

I think there ought to be a rather nice party next year. A party with peanut M&Ms.

The Girl is still alive. I find it odd that I can honestly answer people with this when they ask me how she is doing. She's a cranky old lady and she's earned it. She has so much more grace than I. I learn so much from her.

I have business checks. I had no idea that something so simple showing up in the mail would be such an ecstatic experience. Day by day I am making this life work for me. I am grateful.

I have tickets to see Jason Mraz with EE in Sept. I am planning a dinner prior to the concert. Likely downtown, vegetarian friendly, and drinks available. If you are going to the concert, or even if you are not, and want to join us lemme know.

Body is doing ok today. akrissy rightly reminded me that I ought to go get an acupuncture treatment. Did that this morning and I am mentally clearer than I have been in weeks. Not been doing my workouts cause of pain levels. I have been able to work and I give thanks for that.

A couple of days ago I made progress on the blue accent paint that is going on the white columns out on the front porch of my big blue house. The Honey wanted to know when I was going to get the paint on the the tooth shaped details. I glared at him. :) In theory the teeth painting should be easier because I am not having to support myself with an arm or leg and paint with my off arm something that requires immense attention to detail. I am now a Frogtape convert though. Oh god that stuff rocks.

I need to set aside some time to rack the Freya's Gold. I had no expectation that it would clear like it has. I thought it was done fermenting but the weather warmed up and the bubbler started blurping again. I'm in no rush.

Beltane this weekend. Looking like family and fellowship is on the menu. I am grateful for that as well. That and the impetus to clean up my house some. :D

On the fluff TV front, Lost Girl may have lost me as a dedicated viewer. I don't really want reality in my fluff tv. I understand the choice made and can even agree with the necessity. However, that also means that it hit a little too close to home. I don't like being faced with things in my entertainment that look too much like sacrifices I have had to make in myself. :P *see fluff*

Trying to figure out the balance between myself and the Honey. He is so much more independent than I am. Yes, that is saying something. Planning things to do, getting out of the house together, expressing my needs, and trying not to be the thing than prevents him from meeting his own needs. To say it is a delicate balancing act is putting it mildly. Deep breaths and honest communication. 17 years.

I need to decide what I am doing for Labor Day weekend. A big factor in that is what can I afford to do? What I want to do is pulled in multiple different directions.

I am hoping that I have a strong enough foundation at this point that I can reach out and help others safely. Time will tell.

Actually I'm really looking forward to my weekend. There are drawbacks. The Honey leaves for a week in Denver before I get back on Monday evening. Luckily I have support systems in place and I'm in a much better place than I have been. The other worry is that I'm barely keeping afloat with my allergies here. Historically August in MO wasn't a terribly bad time for my allergies but this year has been so screwy I'm not gonna hold my breath. I've been on the 24 loratadine since Sunday eve and I got acupuncture yesterday. Its been much better since then.

I get to see my wife, spend some time with S, spend several days at my boys' house and hopefully do lots of swimming. I am taking my girl with me. I really like that I can take her with me to KC. I worry less. I kinda wish I could bring Torby on this trip as S seems to really like her company and both cats are unhappy with all the chaos goings on about the house.

The painters have arrived. Came in Monday morning. Started scraping and sanding and chainsawing and generally making a lot of noise. They should be able to start putting color up on Friday. *squeee* Hyper Blue here I come. Pics of the finished product will likely be put up somewhere. I will try to remember to provide a link.

Getting more and more excited about visiting Portland. Sock Dreams. The OCEAN. Oh and that pesky conference I have to go to. *chuckle* It should be a good time as well. :)

The Honey as turned on the tv and is watching the monologues again...

I managed to start a proselytizing session on facebook last night that carried on into today. There is now a group of people praying for me because I dared stand up for people's right to worship or not worship as they saw fit. Reminds me of when I got kicked out of the Southern Baptist church. :) They really don't like it when people do that. Ah well, live and learn. I will msg the person who's wall it was on and apologize cause he was not a part of it. I will probably also ask him if that sort of thing was something his faith and worship supports and if so I will just unfriend him. Cause I sure as hell don't need that.

"I look like an effin sunrise. This so rocks"
"I love you so much."
"You love me so much huh?"
"You, with the 'sunrise' hair in the dark-ish of winter."
"Sumthin has to bring the dawn of the year right?"
"Yes. Which is why I love you so much."

when it notices, now that I have a functioning computer screen, that Gilgamesh Wulfenbach and the Honey have the same color eyes

how pretty.