hypatia42

I got the information on the 3rd that my cousin in Dallas had passed. According to my mom they were going to be planning the funeral sometime in the next week. We drove to KC on the 4th. The 5th was supposed to be going to Oceans of Fun but the Honey had been having sinus trouble so rather than go there we agreed to sleep in and go to a pool complex in Independence instead since it cost all of $9 to get in and still had the lazy river he was looking forward to. Sleeping in happened. My back sized up after breakfast so I laid down with an ice pack to rest.

I woke to a text from my mom about the funeral being on the 7th and it was too soon and too far and it didn't make sense to try to go. I called her to find out how she really felt and bullied her into admitting that she really did want to go but wasn't confident that she would be able to make it on her own. It ended up being the Honey, Sis, my mom, and me all in a rental car driving from KC to Dallas. 939 miles one way from Minneapolis to Dallas. 5 days total. I met family I haven't seen since I was very small. Overall it was a good visit.

2 days after I got home I got a message that a dear friend, willowoak, had collapsed on the way out of work and they were unable to revive her. She had no will and no documents detailing what do with her and her things. The Honey and I will be working on that soon. You just never know what is gonna happen. One day you could think you are fine and the next you could have a previously unknown cancerous ovarian cyst burst and the trauma of it just might stop your heart.

Ever since then we have been dealing with her effects and preparing for the memorial. It is set for this coming Saturday. Its weird cause I probably spent more time with her over the past 10 years than anyone else in our trad and now I feel a bit adrift. We will all manage but it has definitely rocked the community here. #fuckcancer

A beloved friend of mine lost his son a couple of days ago. 3 months shy of his 21st birthday.

Mike Nichols has been a face in the KC pagan community for years. He has written books that many people on this list have read and still keep in their craft libraries.

He co-taught my first Wicca 101 class. He officiated my wedding.

He declined to ritually celebrate Samhain for years because it was more important to him to be able to take his son trick-or-treating. He devoted so much to Colin.

For those that know him and want to show support, a friend started a candle light page for Colin at http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Colin

I woke before I had to this morning. I knew that after a weekend of class I would need to move my appt back to lunch time and had to forethought to do so last week instead of this morning. Its a good day.

Its a beautiful day and I *can* see it.

Death happens. Shock of knowing. The world is changed. True that I am no longer connected to this person because of time and distance but I still feel the impact. Death happens in many ways, even to the living.

Change happens. Decisions made. Change has to happen. Change has to happen or death happens.

Things I learned this weekend, some known, some new;
-It is possible to give of yourself. It is almost never a good idea. *known-good reminder*
-Allow yourself to ask for what you need. *known*
-Push/Pull & Neutral *new*
-The idea that we are spiritual entities who have come into a physical being. *new-more on this later*
-Victim mode disempowers. It removes personal responsibility. *new way of looking at an known idea*
-Warrior is the ultimate place of center. *new*

I've not been listening to my body for too long. Its not been a good place to be for a long time. Not listening has caused damage. No one to blame but myself. Take responsibility. External situation is definitely contributing factor. Too much bottled up to be healthy for anything.

Doing the right thing increases the overall good. Inevitably it is also the hard thing. I feel like it has been my job to do the hard thing lately. I see it needs to be done therefore I do it. I say it. I ask it. Only one person has thanked me for doing it so they didn't have to. That person even said I did it well and with a minimum of damage given the potential in that situation. Some things just need doing. Asking why is it always me doesn't prevent them from needing to be done. I saw it needed to be done and I will do it.

I am looking forward to getting the sword back. I never thought I would say something like that but its true. I believe strongly that to have healthy interaction one must first look inward and be healthy. Let those things that no longer serve me/you or actively fight growth to fall away to allow space for the new things that could be. The pruning has happened/will be happening. What will this growing season look like?

Its a beautiful day and I can see it.