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Continuation of moodiness
Jul. 24th, 2009 06:49 pmPSA: crying at work is not a good plan. I spent $20 on make-up today just so I could come back from lunch and not look like a wreck. It worked. I look great.
I need to take a good look into myself and my spiritual side and see whats going on. In working with air, there was lots of talking, disagreements, and communication work throughs. I wonder if this moodiness isn't part of the firey shit I've got going on. I know I've been more physically active. Ill as all get out a bit ago, I'm sure that worked a bunch of crap out of my system. Burned to be precise. I can't remember the last time I've had a temp of 103...
I've upheld my vow to dig into what I need to do to take care of myself and found part of the answer. It is going to take courage and drive and passion. Fear is based on the unknown.
Aphrodite says, "Walk the talk dearie. You keep saying that not knowing the outcome is no reason not to try something, you never know, it might be better. The fact that it might also be worse is no reason to not try. If you've decided that where you are is not where you want to be then move to change it. Otherwise you are stagnating and that"s just not like you."
I'm gonna try sitting with this. See if I can really tell where the moodiness is coming from. I know part of it is my body is done with not being taken care of and my job is a huge part of that. Moving forward. I can do this.
I need to take a good look into myself and my spiritual side and see whats going on. In working with air, there was lots of talking, disagreements, and communication work throughs. I wonder if this moodiness isn't part of the firey shit I've got going on. I know I've been more physically active. Ill as all get out a bit ago, I'm sure that worked a bunch of crap out of my system. Burned to be precise. I can't remember the last time I've had a temp of 103...
I've upheld my vow to dig into what I need to do to take care of myself and found part of the answer. It is going to take courage and drive and passion. Fear is based on the unknown.
Aphrodite says, "Walk the talk dearie. You keep saying that not knowing the outcome is no reason not to try something, you never know, it might be better. The fact that it might also be worse is no reason to not try. If you've decided that where you are is not where you want to be then move to change it. Otherwise you are stagnating and that"s just not like you."
I'm gonna try sitting with this. See if I can really tell where the moodiness is coming from. I know part of it is my body is done with not being taken care of and my job is a huge part of that. Moving forward. I can do this.
blarg *whine warning*
Jul. 23rd, 2009 11:13 pmI'm having an emotional day. Very variable. Its coming to a close now and I'm just feeling ill. Surly, irritable, pissy, reactionary, you know, all those wonderful things that people want to deal with.
I think I'm going to have to tell my other boss that I can't work Thursdays. Its just too draining. I really do need Thursday off in between the two days I work for Dr. Even though its remarkably easy work. All I did today was sit and read.
I'm getting irritable partly because I am done with having L so far away. I didn't get to spend much time with him at FSG and I think its showing. I had grand plans of planning when I would be spending time with whom and boy did that back fire. Every single person I was supposed to be spending time with in a chunk of time had something come up such that I couldn't. They simply weren't available. L had to take his sick child home to family. Totally understandable. M had to go grocery shopping and it had unforseen problems with that. I could go on but it would probably depress me further. I can say that Capt G was damn near on time for an artist but well, I was paying him to be there now wasn't I?
I'm tired because I'm trying to get more ducks in a row to get my own business going. I'm scared and I don't know if I've got what it takes to do this on my own. I'm not a particularly good leader. I do my own thing for the most part. You've gotta have a drive to start a business on your own and really the only thing I have drive for is loving people and taking care of myself. I can't make a living on that. Not even part time.
I am really thrown by plans changing. I'm not good at dealing with it. I will do my best to sit with this and go with the flow. I will do my best to be present with myself and communicate what I find out there.
I identify with Anita Blake a bit too much sometimes. Sometimes its really hard to be in my skin. Days like today I just want to curl up in a ball and be petted.
I miss having uncomplicated sex. I'm not seeing it on the horizon for me. Is it always this time of year that these feelings come up? I know it has come up before. I may have to go look. It has been an evening of wanting what I don't have right now. Sadly, some of what I'm wanting is no longer in my life and likely won't be again.
Can I just blame all this emoting on hormones and move on? I'm tired and can't sleep. I'm irritable and pissy with no reason. That could all be hormones right?
Pet me?
I think I'm going to have to tell my other boss that I can't work Thursdays. Its just too draining. I really do need Thursday off in between the two days I work for Dr. Even though its remarkably easy work. All I did today was sit and read.
I'm getting irritable partly because I am done with having L so far away. I didn't get to spend much time with him at FSG and I think its showing. I had grand plans of planning when I would be spending time with whom and boy did that back fire. Every single person I was supposed to be spending time with in a chunk of time had something come up such that I couldn't. They simply weren't available. L had to take his sick child home to family. Totally understandable. M had to go grocery shopping and it had unforseen problems with that. I could go on but it would probably depress me further. I can say that Capt G was damn near on time for an artist but well, I was paying him to be there now wasn't I?
I'm tired because I'm trying to get more ducks in a row to get my own business going. I'm scared and I don't know if I've got what it takes to do this on my own. I'm not a particularly good leader. I do my own thing for the most part. You've gotta have a drive to start a business on your own and really the only thing I have drive for is loving people and taking care of myself. I can't make a living on that. Not even part time.
I am really thrown by plans changing. I'm not good at dealing with it. I will do my best to sit with this and go with the flow. I will do my best to be present with myself and communicate what I find out there.
I identify with Anita Blake a bit too much sometimes. Sometimes its really hard to be in my skin. Days like today I just want to curl up in a ball and be petted.
I miss having uncomplicated sex. I'm not seeing it on the horizon for me. Is it always this time of year that these feelings come up? I know it has come up before. I may have to go look. It has been an evening of wanting what I don't have right now. Sadly, some of what I'm wanting is no longer in my life and likely won't be again.
Can I just blame all this emoting on hormones and move on? I'm tired and can't sleep. I'm irritable and pissy with no reason. That could all be hormones right?
Pet me?
