oddness about this coming weekend

[hypatia42]

I'm feeling very odd. Definitely unhappy, but also happy. Content and not so much. All about the same issue. They Honey is staying in CO next weekend. He wanted to fly me out there but it is in the middle of two weeks of finals. I wish I could have justified doing it but really I need to be a grown up about it.

He found someone who can fly out there and be with him. On one hand I am really glad he did. I encouraged him to stay there and take care of himself because he will have about a day and a half to relax, if he stays in Denver. If he came home he wouldn't really have more than about 3/4 of a day. Even that would be less relaxing than he needs given his schedule these two weeks. So I told him to stay there. I meant it then and I still do. I know it will be good for him to be there. I also know that it is good he has company because he would likely just work through the weekend otherwise. So he is taking care of himself and making those decisions despite his knowledge that it'll be that much harder on me.

This is a huge step for him. And I am hugely proud of him for being able to do it. To step up and take care of himself first. I'm glad he's learning this. I don't want him burned out because he felt he needed to come home and be there for me. And yet I'm still at home. Needing company that I don't have. So I'm glad he is going to stay, and unhappy that I can't go. Envious that someone else can go, resenting the situation that forced my decision. Happy that he is taking care of himself, and wondering how I am supposed to do that same. What a very odd place to be. Strange balance point for this Libra.

Comments

[ryoshu.livejournal.com]

well I'll be playing darts on Saturday afternoon as usual. decent crowd and not too long. 2-3 hours tops. good study break and I park where its free so there is always a few block walk each way outside which is nice. you are welcome to come if you don't have any other plans to hang with people and need the company.