oddness about this coming weekend
Mar. 31st, 2008 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypatia42I'm feeling very odd. Definitely unhappy, but also happy. Content and not so much. All about the same issue. They Honey is staying in CO next weekend. He wanted to fly me out there but it is in the middle of two weeks of finals. I wish I could have justified doing it but really I need to be a grown up about it.
He found someone who can fly out there and be with him. On one hand I am really glad he did. I encouraged him to stay there and take care of himself because he will have about a day and a half to relax, if he stays in Denver. If he came home he wouldn't really have more than about 3/4 of a day. Even that would be less relaxing than he needs given his schedule these two weeks. So I told him to stay there. I meant it then and I still do. I know it will be good for him to be there. I also know that it is good he has company because he would likely just work through the weekend otherwise. So he is taking care of himself and making those decisions despite his knowledge that it'll be that much harder on me.
This is a huge step for him. And I am hugely proud of him for being able to do it. To step up and take care of himself first. I'm glad he's learning this. I don't want him burned out because he felt he needed to come home and be there for me. And yet I'm still at home. Needing company that I don't have. So I'm glad he is going to stay, and unhappy that I can't go. Envious that someone else can go, resenting the situation that forced my decision. Happy that he is taking care of himself, and wondering how I am supposed to do that same. What a very odd place to be. Strange balance point for this Libra.
He found someone who can fly out there and be with him. On one hand I am really glad he did. I encouraged him to stay there and take care of himself because he will have about a day and a half to relax, if he stays in Denver. If he came home he wouldn't really have more than about 3/4 of a day. Even that would be less relaxing than he needs given his schedule these two weeks. So I told him to stay there. I meant it then and I still do. I know it will be good for him to be there. I also know that it is good he has company because he would likely just work through the weekend otherwise. So he is taking care of himself and making those decisions despite his knowledge that it'll be that much harder on me.
This is a huge step for him. And I am hugely proud of him for being able to do it. To step up and take care of himself first. I'm glad he's learning this. I don't want him burned out because he felt he needed to come home and be there for me. And yet I'm still at home. Needing company that I don't have. So I'm glad he is going to stay, and unhappy that I can't go. Envious that someone else can go, resenting the situation that forced my decision. Happy that he is taking care of himself, and wondering how I am supposed to do that same. What a very odd place to be. Strange balance point for this Libra.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 05:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 12:26 pm (UTC)This is the "not easy" part of poly, yes it is. And trust me, it's no easier for Leos either!
May you find a healthy way to have your needs met this weekend....
*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 01:02 pm (UTC)I can't imagine it would be any easier for someone who is monogamous. When it comes down to it, not having your support where you are used to it being and not getting your needs met sucks.
I suppose I do have the freedom to tell him that its ok for him to find someone who can keep him company.
I am unfamiliar with this word.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 01:22 pm (UTC)Then I looked it up on wiki and was horrified:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion
That definition is SO shallow and sounds more like the reactions of a voyeur. Although the 'pleasure' part surely can be there, I'm horrified at the pat answer that makes all poly folk seem so shallow. I mean, it sounds like it's merely "I really enjoy watching my wife fuck her girlfriend." Well, ok, but that's not compersion in my book. Compersion is Jenny supporting me and Bruce in our wedding; compersion is me being a part of Bruce and Jenny's upcoming hand-fasting; sincere joy and concern for someone else's happiness.
I would much prefer a definition denoting the feeling of sincere joy when sharing, learning of or witnessing someone else's happiness or good fortune.
I truly don't think that compersion is, or should be, limited to practitioners of poly-fidelity.
Sorry....that turned into a rant.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 01:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 02:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 03:07 pm (UTC)My sister's boyfriend finally got his GED I'm compersed (? what would the tenses be?)!
My aunt is starting her rain garden and is really excited I'm compersing for her!
Ok it sounds really funny. I -really- like the idea I don't like the sound. I hate having to say "I'm so happy for you" because no matter how genuine you are it sounds silly and insincere.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 03:18 pm (UTC)I love adverbs....as many and varied as possible!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 03:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-01 01:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-02 04:49 am (UTC)