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I am starting to see myself as an artist. Its funny to think that because arguably I have been for a long time. I have been doing photography since I was 14. Still miss my old film camera but I digress. I am hanging photography at a local art event called Art A Whirl. I have committed to making three new contacts for photography sales in the next 6 months. Pretty sure I can do this thing. I need a few more supplies and to be honest, a better place to have my prints made but I am making it happen. www.amywilliamsscott.com is my portfolio. I suck at web design but I've got some presence.

I often see myself as as undesirable or broken simply because of how many people don't want to be my partner after getting to know me a bit, or a lot. Its stupid. I get that. I have the most amazing husband I could ever wish for. I have a PIC that goes out of his way to make me feel loved and wanted in his life. I have a wife who I love dearly. I have a lover who I miss and who misses me when either of us have time to stop and think about it. Thing is, the only one of those anywhere near me is the husband who travels for work and needs more alone time than I do where as I get more alone time than he does. Not a good combo for feeling whole and healthy and desirable. Add to that, I have no earthly clue how to date. I can flirt. But finding people to date just to see if we are compatible? Mostly if I have gone out with someone it is because I already know we are compatible. I don't know how to find people. I don't know how to do this. I know it requires meeting new people which I am generally good at but here in MN it is just not easy.

I need more sunlight than I get. Realizing how much more energy and vitality I had in D.C. where it was sunny the entire time we were there has left me feeling like I should be moving south. I just felt so much better. Tanning really doesn't fix the problem, it just prevents me from having to deal with it for a while.

Many people don't get or forget that they knew that just because I am a being of light doesn't mean I am harmless. Light burns. I reminded a friend the other day, "Blood doesn't bother me. You are talking to the woman who chose coagulated blood as the inspiration for the dining room wall color." It made me giggle. Like the bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Ash saw it immediately *sigh* and that sends me back to feeling like I am undesirable. I haven't heard from him in weeks. Thinking I just need to cut loose on that one. His words and his actions are not matching up. I can be very understanding about crazy ass schedules but really, total lack of communication is not sustainable.

I got crowned May Queen at Beltane. Kind of a little trippy. Don't believe I have held that job before. I was given the job of finding my joy and being wild again. Break the rules. Let go and have fun. Interestingly, the day I get this is the day I learn PIC will be in town for a month. I might actually get to see him and spend time with him.
hypatia42: (Default)
Wow. I don't even know what to say here right now. General update-ness I suppose.

This past week I started a job that I should be able to keep through school. I'm kinda hoping I'm not going to have to get two. I have proved to the mrg that I can hold my own in verbal sparring contests. I doubt I'd ever win one with a pro but I can hold my own and score points with an average player. Working at a wine and spirits store has some advantages. Serious discounts being among them. The fact that this wine store is in the Mall? Mall discounts too. Sweet.

Learning lots about wine. Thats nice. Learning how many people who work at the Mall are constantly buzzed. Not so nice. We do have some pretty nice stock. I got three bottles of wine that I was supposed to try, evaluate and see if I could remember what kind of grape they were made of all the way to my next shift. That'd be tomorrow. I've tried one of them. An old vine red Zinfandel called Plungerhead. I didn't like it. But I do remember characteristics of it that I could share with other people if they are wanting to know about it or red zins in general. The other two are still uncorked. Have to change that soon. Hehe, I get homework that involves drinking. Whats your job? Oh wait, you probably get paid more than me.

My fingernails are berry blue. I may go out with a bang here. Not going to be able to have even short nails soon. I shortened them pretty significantly not long ago. There are a few people close to me who will simultaneously miss my claws and likely heave a huge sigh of relief. Still, I'm looking forward to starting school.

Filling out paperwork today. I don't remember doing some of this last time around. Like, I don't remember having to chose my lender. Other bits are very familiar. I swear gov't forms rarely change content. People at the school are being very helpful in this tedious process of navigating dried woodpulp.

Elevated pain levels in the past week or so. WTF? I don't know. Lots and lots of things effect pain levels. I've not been managing something properly.

Wandered around the Upton Art Fair with PIC this weekend after a lovely steak and eggs breakfast at the Herkimer. Saw lots of beautiful things. I was moved to tears a couple of times. By what you ask? Pictures of the ocean. Duh. Photography is amazing. I want to go to Greece. I want to see Santorini, the city, the bluffs, the bay, everything. I want to swim in the Mediterranean Sea. I want to visit the islands and the sacred sites. Did I mention I cried at the pictures of the ocean?

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