panic

[hypatia42]

barely caged wild is easier to deal with. i had made peace with the wild and we lived together as one. that peace has gone. caged in iron bars is my wild. one foot in front of the other only keeps everything moving. i have to believe that i will heal because the panic that wells up in my throat when i think of not healing and not having access to my wild is too much to bear. tears bubble up and overflow.

i will see the mountains this weekend and i will soak in the wild immovable change that they are. the only thing that could heal me better would be the ocean. i am too land-locked. i wonder how long i could sleep on Josh's couch. i would have to get there sure but i think it would be good for me. i need some time in space that allows me to not have to be the grownup, space where i can be wild and free and truly safe.

too long in fear. too long hidden.

the honey being gone this week is really non-ideal