A new day dawns
Nov. 29th, 2010 05:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypatia42Or rather, it will dawn in a couple of hours. Been awake since 2:30ish. It is now after 5. I can't say that I have been sleeping well. 2.5 hrs seems a critical low for me though.
Saturday at work my foot abruptly started hurting so bad I couldn't stand on it. I hobbled around the store for a couple more hours and was sent home, probably because I was making everyone uncomfortable. Mgr boy doesn't like seeing me in pain and will usually ask me if I need to go home if he thinks I look ill or hurting. He's sweet. And he facilitates my wine snob habit. :)
Sunday morning to foot was still hurting. Talking with L while I went into Holiday to grab some crack. Aside: Always always always stop talking on the phone while dealing with a cashier, treat them like people not a machine. Personal pet peeve. I smiled at her and with genuine warmth said I hoped she had a great day. She smiled back. I limped out of the store. In a fit of self discovery I told L that I really don't like making my pain other people's problem. There is no reason why me being in pain means I have to be grumpy or bring another down. Smiling and connecting with people in a way that makes them smile actually helps me feel better. I've never found that bringing someone else into my pain makes me feel better.
It has been a long hard week here at Aerie. Physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual upheaval. I have no idea how things with settle out. I don't enjoy feeling shaken up. Especially right now when I am already of the edge of what I have available to give. Oh dear. And I have a birth to go through soon. EE has been in early labor for about a week now.
I'm good at asking for help when I need it. Occasionally I need someone to ask me how I'm doing or if I need anything to make me assess myself enough to be able to ask for what I need but I do step up and own it when I haven't been doing what I need to do for myself. In general I know what I need for myself and see to it that as much as situationally possible I get those things. It is important to me to be able to do that for myself. It is one of the ways I maintain my independence of spirit. I have been told my a good friend that I am difficult to approach and somewhat intimidating because I do know what I want and new people find it hard to know if there is a way to fit into that. I have also discovered that me making sure my needs are met can be threatening to people who have the need to meet other people's needs. I'm not sure that I am willing to do anything about these two types of people and how they are uncomfortable interacting with me. I'm not going to pretend I don't know what I want to get people to approach me and I certainly am not going to avoid meeting my needs just so someone else who needs to be needed can come along and fill some portion of it for me. Call me stubborn.
L is getting the partying that I need. It is hard to listen to sometimes but I am happy that he is getting it. He seems in a better place when those sorts of things happen. Other things have been hard to hear this week. I am trying to be present in myself and acknowledge where the feelings are coming from, honor them and make sure those around me know what is going on so they do not erupt and become a problem. We shall see how well I maintain this in the coming weeks of unknown.
I may have, with a little assistance, come up with an idea for a room party at Wicked. It would have to be a private party. But it would be good. And fun. And debaucherous. And require anyone walking in to have taken a shower first.
Saturday at work my foot abruptly started hurting so bad I couldn't stand on it. I hobbled around the store for a couple more hours and was sent home, probably because I was making everyone uncomfortable. Mgr boy doesn't like seeing me in pain and will usually ask me if I need to go home if he thinks I look ill or hurting. He's sweet. And he facilitates my wine snob habit. :)
Sunday morning to foot was still hurting. Talking with L while I went into Holiday to grab some crack. Aside: Always always always stop talking on the phone while dealing with a cashier, treat them like people not a machine. Personal pet peeve. I smiled at her and with genuine warmth said I hoped she had a great day. She smiled back. I limped out of the store. In a fit of self discovery I told L that I really don't like making my pain other people's problem. There is no reason why me being in pain means I have to be grumpy or bring another down. Smiling and connecting with people in a way that makes them smile actually helps me feel better. I've never found that bringing someone else into my pain makes me feel better.
It has been a long hard week here at Aerie. Physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual upheaval. I have no idea how things with settle out. I don't enjoy feeling shaken up. Especially right now when I am already of the edge of what I have available to give. Oh dear. And I have a birth to go through soon. EE has been in early labor for about a week now.
I'm good at asking for help when I need it. Occasionally I need someone to ask me how I'm doing or if I need anything to make me assess myself enough to be able to ask for what I need but I do step up and own it when I haven't been doing what I need to do for myself. In general I know what I need for myself and see to it that as much as situationally possible I get those things. It is important to me to be able to do that for myself. It is one of the ways I maintain my independence of spirit. I have been told my a good friend that I am difficult to approach and somewhat intimidating because I do know what I want and new people find it hard to know if there is a way to fit into that. I have also discovered that me making sure my needs are met can be threatening to people who have the need to meet other people's needs. I'm not sure that I am willing to do anything about these two types of people and how they are uncomfortable interacting with me. I'm not going to pretend I don't know what I want to get people to approach me and I certainly am not going to avoid meeting my needs just so someone else who needs to be needed can come along and fill some portion of it for me. Call me stubborn.
L is getting the partying that I need. It is hard to listen to sometimes but I am happy that he is getting it. He seems in a better place when those sorts of things happen. Other things have been hard to hear this week. I am trying to be present in myself and acknowledge where the feelings are coming from, honor them and make sure those around me know what is going on so they do not erupt and become a problem. We shall see how well I maintain this in the coming weeks of unknown.
I may have, with a little assistance, come up with an idea for a room party at Wicked. It would have to be a private party. But it would be good. And fun. And debaucherous. And require anyone walking in to have taken a shower first.