realizing where I'm at
Aug. 24th, 2010 12:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypatia42The Honey is leaving tomorrow for CO for the rest of the week. I looked at him and told him that it would be difficult this week without him home. I told him all the things I had planned and how I was going to manage myself. I also told him that if he got a text saying I'd gone off the deep end that he shouldn't be surprised. We both agreed that it wouldn't be far from where I'm at now.
Kitty Cat seems to be doing better so long as we can keep her from taking a header down a flight of stairs. Still wobbly but mostly making progress. She's adapted fairly well to her change in mobility, desires to take the stairs not withstanding. I'm crediting this to the animal chiropractor I took her to last Friday. She goes again tomorrow. I may talk to the neurologist about this and ask if he thinks that a shot of cortisone might speed things along. I suppose that will depend on her continued progress over the next week.
Death is an interesting thing. My views on death and how I deal with it continue to be different than other people I see dealing with it. I have trouble with the interaction between what people expect me to be feeling and acting like and how I'm actually feeling and acting. It puzzles me and likely frustrates others. I suppose if I had a better understanding of how other people saw it I might be able to fake the right reactions but, well, that would be fake. I'm not quite sure how to be understood and still authentic to me.
Nice segue that. I'm possibly coming to a place where it doesn't mater to me if I'm understood. My brain is scrambled eggs. It takes so much effort to find a word much less the right word that I'm happy with 75% right. I just don't have the energy spend on it and if I did, it stresses me out so much that the words aren't there that it makes it worse to try that hard to find the right one. Like the difference between assume and infer. Fairly close there. If I have to go look up the meaning of a word and how it is minutely different from another I just don't care about the difference right now. If I were writing scientific papers for a living things might be different. But I'm not. And my brain is scrambled eggs. Enough that I'm looking at being medicated.
ROM in my r shoulder and rotator cuff is wretched. I had EE work on that today and it helped. I feel like I am making good progress physically. Where the problems are is becoming much more specific and I am able to do more things without doing damage to myself. I still have a shortened capacity but its getting better.
Nother funeral in KC coming up this weekend. This time I am support staff. Much easier place to be in. I'll take my knitting and do the eating thing like one does when one attends family functions. It won't be my biological family but this past weekend wasn't either. We'll make it. I'm actually looking forward to showing off my hometown. Even if it is just someone's living room. I've got a really great hometown.
In the meantime I have L coming to visit and an important ritual. I will make it through this week because I am strong enough to do so. If I go off the deep end, I know how to swim. I'll be alright.
Kitty Cat seems to be doing better so long as we can keep her from taking a header down a flight of stairs. Still wobbly but mostly making progress. She's adapted fairly well to her change in mobility, desires to take the stairs not withstanding. I'm crediting this to the animal chiropractor I took her to last Friday. She goes again tomorrow. I may talk to the neurologist about this and ask if he thinks that a shot of cortisone might speed things along. I suppose that will depend on her continued progress over the next week.
Death is an interesting thing. My views on death and how I deal with it continue to be different than other people I see dealing with it. I have trouble with the interaction between what people expect me to be feeling and acting like and how I'm actually feeling and acting. It puzzles me and likely frustrates others. I suppose if I had a better understanding of how other people saw it I might be able to fake the right reactions but, well, that would be fake. I'm not quite sure how to be understood and still authentic to me.
Nice segue that. I'm possibly coming to a place where it doesn't mater to me if I'm understood. My brain is scrambled eggs. It takes so much effort to find a word much less the right word that I'm happy with 75% right. I just don't have the energy spend on it and if I did, it stresses me out so much that the words aren't there that it makes it worse to try that hard to find the right one. Like the difference between assume and infer. Fairly close there. If I have to go look up the meaning of a word and how it is minutely different from another I just don't care about the difference right now. If I were writing scientific papers for a living things might be different. But I'm not. And my brain is scrambled eggs. Enough that I'm looking at being medicated.
ROM in my r shoulder and rotator cuff is wretched. I had EE work on that today and it helped. I feel like I am making good progress physically. Where the problems are is becoming much more specific and I am able to do more things without doing damage to myself. I still have a shortened capacity but its getting better.
Nother funeral in KC coming up this weekend. This time I am support staff. Much easier place to be in. I'll take my knitting and do the eating thing like one does when one attends family functions. It won't be my biological family but this past weekend wasn't either. We'll make it. I'm actually looking forward to showing off my hometown. Even if it is just someone's living room. I've got a really great hometown.
In the meantime I have L coming to visit and an important ritual. I will make it through this week because I am strong enough to do so. If I go off the deep end, I know how to swim. I'll be alright.