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hypatia42Ever notice how only famiyl can really stick the knife in a give it a good twist, then when you're thinking you've healed, twist it again just as a reminds that they can?
Trying to sit with myself and accept the interaction that I can get and know that there are other parts of my family, blood and chosen, that do want me in their and their childrens lives. Trying to understand and to my core believe that the distance is not my fault. It is sometimes more effective than others.
I got a friend request from my sister-in-law. On one hand that says to me that its not that she wants nothing to do with me and wants me completely out of her life for all time. On the other I feel like it means that I'm inconsequential in the lives of her children. I know my brother is not going to want me as a constant reminder of the hell of his childhood. I know he wants to distance himself from all of us so he doesn't have to deal with it. For a short while I thought I would be able to keep up with the kids by staying in contact with his wife. Then she stopped returning emails, no one answers the phone when I call... But she friend's me on Facebook?
So I told her we'd be in town and would love to see everyone. What else am I to do? I think if I was told to bug off I would but this seems like a rather passive aggressive way to do that. I would rather keep poking until they say go away. Me the bitch, making someone stand up and say waht they want even if it hurts me? Yeah. That's me alright.
Trying to sit with myself and accept the interaction that I can get and know that there are other parts of my family, blood and chosen, that do want me in their and their childrens lives. Trying to understand and to my core believe that the distance is not my fault. It is sometimes more effective than others.
I got a friend request from my sister-in-law. On one hand that says to me that its not that she wants nothing to do with me and wants me completely out of her life for all time. On the other I feel like it means that I'm inconsequential in the lives of her children. I know my brother is not going to want me as a constant reminder of the hell of his childhood. I know he wants to distance himself from all of us so he doesn't have to deal with it. For a short while I thought I would be able to keep up with the kids by staying in contact with his wife. Then she stopped returning emails, no one answers the phone when I call... But she friend's me on Facebook?
So I told her we'd be in town and would love to see everyone. What else am I to do? I think if I was told to bug off I would but this seems like a rather passive aggressive way to do that. I would rather keep poking until they say go away. Me the bitch, making someone stand up and say waht they want even if it hurts me? Yeah. That's me alright.