in MN again

[hypatia42]

I've been a skoshe(sp?) out of touch in the past two weeks. What with packing, then being out of town, and now trying to reintegrate myself back into life here. Still tire easily but I'm actually sitting at my computer! Checking emails and the like has taken some time to deal with.

Things I could never hear again:
"And you say you're not a top."

Ok, so that's only one thing. I may think of others at some point. Maybe I'll just start making a general list of things I could never hear again.

At any rate, I don't remember ever saying such a thing. I must've tho cause I heard it from three different people, one quite a few times. *glare* I wonder if it isn't a definition problem I'm running up against. Discussion will happen.

It was good to get to see and talk with people that I don't get to all that often.

I got emails from people I love that I don't hear from often.

more to say and still no time to say it. trying to recoup energy losses. or at least come back to center?

Comments

[bleuberi21.livejournal.com]

*hug* I love you!! Check my post this past Monday...

[siriciryon.livejournal.com]

You have said it to me. You said in almost the same breath that you weren't a bottom, either, so. I don't think you said it with only me around to hear; and it was definitely said at Fires of Venus last year, so there has certainly been time for the notion to spread around.

[castalusoria.livejournal.com]

"And you say you're not a top."

I heard you say this Saturday night, at the fire circle when I had padmaclynne in my lap. Sister Dee was on mine and padmaclynne's left, sirisiryon on our right, near you.

Glad to hear you've arrived safe and sound!

[hypatia42.livejournal.com]

You heard me say that I'm not a top? Or you heard me say this phrase to someone else?

[castalusoria.livejournal.com]

No, you said "And you say you're not a top" to someone else. At the time, it appeared to be directed towards padmaclynne, which gave me a chuckle, which is why I remember it. You may have been speaking to siriciryon; I wasn't tracking the direction.

[hypatia42.livejournal.com]

Ah, it could have been several things. Mostly likely poking because I'd heard it one too many times.

[ixtli-awakening.livejournal.com]

hm. nice to know that if i was off the mark, i wasn't the only one.

i'd like to qualify that, but it's more of a phone or text thing, i think.

[hypatia42.livejournal.com]

It feels like I am coming up against differing definitions again. What one person says feels very different in meaning than what another says. Its very discordant in my head.

Is it something that one is or something one does? Both seems to be the answer but in context I can't really figure out the difference between "Google" the company and "googling" the verb. Get it?

Addtly, the behaviours I have seen from people who call themselves tops are not behaviours/mindsets I share, nor am I willing to. So yeah. Having trouble with this one.

Am I capable of "topping"? Sure. Does that make me a top? Dunno. Do I really care? Eh. I don't get the need to put people's behaviour in a box with a label. Seems like asking for trouble when they don't behave in the manner your label led you to expect.

I like giving. I enjoy giving things that I know are wanted. I enjoy receiving things I like. I do not take. Where does that leave me? It leaves me as me. And really, that is what is important to me. I'm in charge of me. Not you, just me. I like helping and giving. One and the same in my head. Holding out a hand to help, is that topping? *sigh*

You're right, this should be a conversation. I'm just frustrating myself.

[hypatia42.livejournal.com]

In many situations it seems to be a power play and I am sooo not interested in that competition. I don't care about who has power. Its completely an illusion anyway. Why waste energy on it?

[hypanebliss.livejournal.com]

http://www.logarithmic.net/pfh/cats_and_dogs

A friend of mine on LJ had a similar post to this one today. This link may not be useful to you in the least but I thought I'd pass it along just in case. Love you!