self thoughts regarding mothering

[hypatia42]

My deep self told me something this week. The very best way to turn me into an unyeilding, hard hearted, uncompromising wolf bitch with the ability to kill without remorse would be to give me a child. Make me a mother. A child who has no ability to look after itself, no other person to look to for protection and guidance. I would change my entire world. I would not get softer, not with someone so vulnerable looking to me to be strong. No, I would get hard. Taking care of that child would be my priority. I know I would not have anything left over to give to others for a long time. All my extra spoons would have to be saved for my child.

Given a child, I would not even give these changes in me a second thought. These changes are why I think second and third times about the advisability of having a child. I like being able to give universally. Selfish about my ability my ability to give...

Sometimes I feel odd for feeling this way. So many people I know... no, most everyone I know has kids. Their priorities are very different than mine. Occasionally it is hard for me to sit in a room full of mothers and have nothing to add to conversation. I sit.

Soon even my wife will have more experience with mothering than I do. That is an odd thought too.

Comments

[lapiswitch.livejournal.com]

I think that you still have something to add to the conversation. Sometimes mothers get too caught up in the child and it helps to have someone who isn't a mother give an opinion. Mothers can be too close and too familiar with the situation to see all sides, as with anything that you can be so enveloped with.

[hypatia42.livejournal.com]

I have been verbally smacked down so many times by mothers I stopped trying to put much into conversation. "What could you possibly know? You don't have kids!"

[lapiswitch.livejournal.com]

Also, it takes a very wise person to know and accept that they probably should not have children. I wish more people on the planet had that level of self-knowledge.

[dragonflycai.livejournal.com]

So many people I know... no, most everyone I know has kids. Their priorities are very different than mine. Occasionally it is hard for me to sit in a room full of mothers

Have you ever had them be confused or critical of your childless state?


Soon even my wife will have more experience with mothering than I do. That is an odd thought too.

If she shares a lot of it with you, you'll gain some virtual experience this way. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Why yes. Not terribly so. Most people are respectful of my choice, Just not my POV since I don't have kids...

She is moving in with a friend of hers that has a 16 month old boy. Living with a child that is developing in that way is an expereince I have never really had. At least not long term.