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Sep. 27th, 2007 10:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypatia42Night now seems to be my enemy in a way it rarely is. I am definitely missing the light. I can tell that my brain had been forcing overdrive to maintain a state of exhaustion so as to avoid night and the loneliness that accompanies it. This is no way to live.
I was a serious mess. Having retreated a bit, I feel better(less exhausted) and worse(now recognizing more of the problem). I'm reading a lot. Not sure its helping but also not sure what else to do. I don't particularly relish being alone. Sometimes I revel in it but that is not my natural state.
I think this is bothering me more now than it has been in a long while because my days are so taxing now. I want the comfort of my loved ones within physical touching reach. I don't have that with any regularity. I work when the Honey is home, he's gone during the week. Looking at tomorrow I have no desire to go to work. I want to stay curled up with the Honey, who will be home by then. He won't curl up with me though. He's learning how to not be busy but he's got a ways to go still. I'm finding myself falling into the same habit. If I stay busy then I can dull it for a while. Not the right way for me to go any more than it is for the Honey.
Actually taking care of myself will help. I know what I need to do. I need to get off my ass and do it. So to speak... It is possible that the realization that I needed to live as though I was single hurt me more than I wanted to admit.
I was a serious mess. Having retreated a bit, I feel better(less exhausted) and worse(now recognizing more of the problem). I'm reading a lot. Not sure its helping but also not sure what else to do. I don't particularly relish being alone. Sometimes I revel in it but that is not my natural state.
I think this is bothering me more now than it has been in a long while because my days are so taxing now. I want the comfort of my loved ones within physical touching reach. I don't have that with any regularity. I work when the Honey is home, he's gone during the week. Looking at tomorrow I have no desire to go to work. I want to stay curled up with the Honey, who will be home by then. He won't curl up with me though. He's learning how to not be busy but he's got a ways to go still. I'm finding myself falling into the same habit. If I stay busy then I can dull it for a while. Not the right way for me to go any more than it is for the Honey.
Actually taking care of myself will help. I know what I need to do. I need to get off my ass and do it. So to speak... It is possible that the realization that I needed to live as though I was single hurt me more than I wanted to admit.