State of Today

Today I am dropping off the majority of my body of framed work at Signature Cafe. Friday I get to have dinner there surrounded by my artwork. I don't have words sufficient.

Saturday I am attending and helping to host the member show at Vine Arts Center. More details to follow. I'm gonna learn all the things I can from this group. Step one, find out what a portfolio should look like.

I don't have a real direction to go with my digestive issues yet but I have some things I can try. I finally had a doctor understand how problematic my hypermobility makes certain areas of my life. It was a relief to have someone get it rather than tell me, "because you don't reach these thresholds of diagnosis its not bad enough to treat so there is nothing that can be done."

In muscle testing for food intolerance I only responded favorably to 3 foods. This does not exactly bode well for my system. Some of thw things I reacted poorly to I have been muscle tested for previously and didn't have a reaction. I need to get to the bottom of that.

Despite the overall balance of situations in my life right now I find I am emotional today. I don't really have a good reason why.

That is it for now.

Why I haven't been around much:

Last Lammas I guested at Ravenstar's ritual since Wellspring wasn't hosting many rituals ourselves, being just two people and all. Dionysus was one of the diety pair and the meat of ritual was to take a guided mediation to go see him and ask him what we needed...I don't remember the intent. Dio did what he does and decided what I needed to hear.

I've been cut off from parts of myself since my relationship with Liam. I am a person who makes connections. No new romantic connections that I've made since we broke up have stuck. For years I was willing to accept that was me holding back in fear that I would let someone treat me that way again, that I wouldn't see what was going on until it was too late, that I was broken.

Meeting my needs was getting too pressing to keep accepting that fear was the cause. So I asked Dio what I needed to do to make having a new connection possible. He said I needed a cutting away, a soul retrival, and to do Pilates. You helped me with the cutting away part last August or so I thought. I kept trying to find someone who could do a soul retrieval that wasn't Brett, he being connected to me I didn't know how that would go. I tried Pilates on YouTube and the videos I have at home. Again, nothing stuck.

In the process of searching for these things bits of my relationship with Liam that I had suppressed began to surface. The number of times where he tried to overwrite my reality and force me to be someone he wanted to be, the perfect sex object that would fix all of his problems. In the midst of the relationship I couldn't see how bad it was, how codependent he was and needed me to be, and how much energy I was using just to maintain some semblance of the real me. I remembered that he chose to blood oath himself to me by words, all my magical names, and blood without my consent. I truly believe that I needed to remember how bad it was before any of the things that Dio told me to do would be effective. I sought help from Odin and Freya at Sacred Space. Aphrodite always supports me and led me to Tyr's door herself. So I began learning about him and his story.

At FG this August(coming full circle eh?) I asked to talk with Tyr face to face. I explained that I was bound without my consent by an oath I didn't agree to. I asked that he in his role as oath keeper take that oath from me and release my bonds. He said what he witnesses he can break. He took someone's blade and cut it away from me. We are talking hair came off and so did toenail polish, it was that close. He then closed off the wounds left behind. All the while I was calling my stolen power home to me and visualizing the holes left in the one who took it from me cauterized with blue/white light so that the familiar place was closed to my energy.

The rest of August went as you know and for the first time in years I felt my solid connection to the PoP of Love that lets me be who I am and who I need to be for my goddess. After getting back to Mpls I started trading with a gal in my office building who is an expert Pilates instructor. I reached out to Brett and asked him to do a soul retrieval. He and Beth did that for me around September 10th. That week I traveled to Chicago by way of staying in Madison overnight with Mr Bee. He and I now have a developing connection and I'm profoundly thrilled to see where it goes.

Since the soul retrieval, as the last piece of my Dio puzzle, I have been SUPER functional. I can tell I'm working awake and in my sleep. I've made another much softer connection to a priest of Dio. I'm getting new clients in my business. I'm working on my photography marketing. Wellspring has three students now and is moving in positive directions. I'm dealing with my digestion issues on several different fronts. Even those Sx have been better since the last puzzle piece came together. Correlation =/= causation. I know.

Its strange because I kinda feel like I'm doing a really good job of running down a really steep hill right now. Like I'm looking around wondering when I'm gonna trip and fall on my face but until then I'm going to use the momentum.