PSA again

Said many times before but it bears repeating.

This is my journal. In it I talk about my feelings, my process, and things that I need to deal with in me. If you are not ok with that being the state of things don't read it.

If you cannot distance yourself that much, let me know and I will unfriend you to make that choice easier. Does not mean I don't love you and won't tell you things that are going on in my life. Just that this space is for me.

my wife is amazing

*snip*I have a problem though: I'm kinda in love with him. It's a bad kind of love. The kind that you know isn't healthy for either party long term. The kind where you tell yourself that the bad days are worth putting up for the good days that are to come. But it makes it so hard to let go. So hard to think about the days where they won't be there. It makes me fantasize about the perfect world where I can keep him and give him everything he needs.*snip*

She is moving beyond what she wants and doing what is best for the health of both of them. She is an inspiration to me. I wanna grow up to be her.

quote and thoughts

"All we know is that death is the inevitable outcome."

This phrase struck me in another post. It struck me as profound and at the same time redundant. Of course death is the inevitable outcome. Its what you put before and after that statement that makes it what it needs to be.

Most people I know fight the truth of that statement with every fiber of their beings. A friend of mine has been frequently heard to say, "I'm going to be the first man to live forever." At this point in my life I am simply grateful I can call that man a friend.

Change is inevitable. We do get to choose how we incorporate that change.

I would like mine to read: We may never know what to expect from her life on a day to day basis. She continues to surprise us. All we know is that death is the inevitable outcome.

Lady Constance revisited

Not so few years back I created a character for the Sedalia renfest. She was an English countess with family in France. Years later I am handed a role in a murder mystery game that is oddly similar. Baroness not countess but who's counting...

Roped into a marriage of convenience by her father, who wanted a title, and her husband, who wanted the money her father had, she is unhappy about most of her life and does her best to make her husband as miserable as possible. Wears inappropriate clothing, exposes herself in ways that is unseemly, and flirts around with anything that walks no matter the gender. The Baron assumes she is sleeping with everyone but him and that is really her goal, to get under his skin and let him know he is not worth her effort. No longer in Paris where her family and friends are, exiled from London by a political misstep from her husband, sent to Eau Claire ostensibly where he can't do any more harm to the crown than he already has.

All of a sudden he tells her to cancel all her plans in Kaposia so they could catch a ride on a silly river boat down river to some other town to turn around and come back. Ridiculous! He was deliberately trying to ruin her life! *sigh* Maybe there would be some interesting people on this boat. The boilermaster probably needs "company" down there lonely in the engine room. Maybe he could show her how things "worked."

On board she met the other passengers and discovered an Egyptologist traveling around the country with artifacts fundraising to continue his work. She got interested in Egyptian archaeology while in London. Tried to engage the Egyptologist in conversation about the finds and the digs, what he hoped to accomplish with the funds he was collecting, and where he was looking to go next with excavation. In conversation with him discovers he's not the brains behind the operation, the younger female assistant is. He is simply taking all the credit. Given her history with males and being taken advantage of she befriends the assistant. The Baron assumes they are having "relations" and explodes.

The Egyptologist is found dead under suspicious circumstances. Cue beginning of murder mystery game. Enjoyment and havoc for all. How did I get roped into this again...

Better yet, can I incorporate glitter in it somewhere? Heeheeheehee... _{no glitter in the coffee...no glitter in the coffee...no glitter in the coffee}