(no subject)

I had several dreams last night. In one I was what amounts to a hermaphrodite. Very strange and completely natural at the same time.

self thoughts regarding mothering

My deep self told me something this week. The very best way to turn me into an unyeilding, hard hearted, uncompromising wolf bitch with the ability to kill without remorse would be to give me a child. Make me a mother. A child who has no ability to look after itself, no other person to look to for protection and guidance. I would change my entire world. I would not get softer, not with someone so vulnerable looking to me to be strong. No, I would get hard. Taking care of that child would be my priority. I know I would not have anything left over to give to others for a long time. All my extra spoons would have to be saved for my child.

Given a child, I would not even give these changes in me a second thought. These changes are why I think second and third times about the advisability of having a child. I like being able to give universally. Selfish about my ability my ability to give...

Sometimes I feel odd for feeling this way. So many people I know... no, most everyone I know has kids. Their priorities are very different than mine. Occasionally it is hard for me to sit in a room full of mothers and have nothing to add to conversation. I sit.

Soon even my wife will have more experience with mothering than I do. That is an odd thought too.