Home ill today

Monday it was 45 degrees. Tuesday it was -15 with a -35 degree windchill. I don't think my body liked that at all. I feel like things were trying to move and get processed and then they had no choice but to freeze where they were. I head is full of concrete and my throat feels like I am swallowing gravel. Breathing is currently just fine.

It was really strange to feel the symptoms set in yesterday. I was on the table getting my right scapula mobilized and the surrounding muscles cleaned out. I definitely felt releasing. It went all the way up into my head and started pouring mucus down my throat(the stuff that feels like gravel). Maybe it was the weather changing that caused all this. Maybe it was toxin and viral bodies sequestered in my muscle bodies that were released and now I have to deal with them again.

May be looking for a new car in the near future. Sunny is working on almost ten years old now. I got her used after she was a rental car for a year. Last night I had to take her back to the Dr when her power steering was making horrible noises again, went in last week for the same problem. Why they didn't tell us what was going on last week is a mystery to me. The Honey apparently understands and is dealing with the financial aspects of getting the power steering replaced. In addition to the power steering however, the rack and pinion has fluid in it. It is not supposed to have fluid in it apparently. I really ought to do some research into what that thing is and what it does. They poked a hole in it to find out if it was going to leak. I was offended on behalf of my car. "Here, let me damage you to find out if you are damaged. Don't worry, it won't take but a second. Yes, the damaged I inflict will be permanent. Its standard operating procedure." Once again the Honey seems to understand and thus I am left wondering why they are hurting my lovely.

faedaughter picked me up from the dr's shop and made sure I was fed. I had a lovely evening sitting around and not doing much. Well, except for feeling my head freeze up internally. I had not eaten since 11:30, it was 5 or 5:30 when all of this was happening. I had had an hour of bodywork in class and then I went to the acupuncture clinic and had a half hour of needling followed by tui na, chinese massage, to help my arm soreness from clinic and class. I think I need to institute a policy of no trauma for 30-45 minutes after bodywork. I think that would help me remain more stable. I have noticed since I started school I have been getting slowly better in the physical realm, but it takes immense amounts of energy mentally and emotionally to make sure that the pieces keep coming down in about the right places. This tri is even harder because we are not focusing on relaxation, we are focusing on changing tissue. My tissue being changed here. I can tell that throwing all the pieces up in the air some of them are coming down in the right place and staying there once everything else gets tossed back up again. I'm going to see what difference sitting in one place and trying some meditation on the tetris game going on in my body makes in my mental and emotional stability.

In some ways I envy the other students in my class their ability to not even notice what is going on, to just turn around and keep going. But then I wouldn't be noticing that changes are being made and that it is slowly getting easier to keep going.

Talking with GD and lovika27 on Monday about spoon theory. In it is states that most people have an unlimited number of spoons but people with an auto-immune disorder have a finite number. GD said that he disagrees with it. That everyone has a finite number, just most people don't reach the end of their spoons b4 the end of the day. Most people don't have to think about energy allocation and day planning. I wish this program taught things like that though. It'd be good for some of these 18 year olds to think about the abuse that their bodies take and that paying attention now make make all the difference in 35 years. Then again, I've come to this realization through some pretty hard self-realization processes. Who's to say that it'd stick? I dunno, it might. I think self-care should be a course rather than a principle we are told is good to practice. How? Why? When? These are the situations your body will encounter, this is how to make sure you survive them with a healthy body.

I was able to talk to my teacher about the trauma my system sustained last Thursday. She said she didn't have any answers for me but she'd talk with her TA and see if they can come up with something. In talking with Double E about this at the lunch table I found another student in our program has been having the same problems I am. She has some sort of auto-immune stuff too. She started sobbing when she heard me describing what was going on with me. So yeah, not so much with the encouraging us to take care of ourselves and make sure our physical boundaries are supported. But self-care is important, we just won't teach you what that is becuase then you'd know we can't let you do it while you are here at school. Grr.

I want to wrap my head in a rice sock. This sucks.

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Apparently my instinct to eat ramen will put me in good stead with regards to getting rid of this illness. I have been told to eat spicy chicken broth and sweat. The first part is easy, the second not so much so.

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things that are difficult when sick; opening that jar of minced garlic that you want to put in your soup.