Random thought patterns (pretty castles)
Oct. 7th, 2005 08:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypatia42brought to you from the murky depths of Amy's mind
Yeah pizza goodness! Not enough food today earlier and had to wait far too long for the pizza goodness, Maybe that made it better than it really was. I prefer Davannis.
Frustration from yesterday eased for the most part. Blaming someone does not get anyone very far. Its much harder to deal with the feelings and underlying situation than to just blame someone else.
Every single time myself and the bf have gotten together the past 3-4 months his life has intruded in one way or another. Feeling more and more like there just isn't room for me in the fucked upness that is his life. Its not like I'm must of an obligation but it would be nice to occasionally have some time with him that didn't have interruptions. We used to have that. He's the only one who can make it happen. Intersting conversation, "I love you but your life will always trump me because I am not as important as ANYTHING else in your life." Me being happy is not as important as anything else. My needs being met is not as important as anything else. Not mad about this, just honest. Still sucks. If your needs aren't met can you really meet anyone else's anyway? I know I make his life harder than it has to be. He says I make it easier too but I see no evidence of that. Being willing to touch him might have something to do with it. But having similar needs does not happy make. Only understanding does it make.
The Honey is fabulous. Supportive and understanding and loving and kind. Did I mention secure? What a wonder. A person who is capable of loving and letting me love others. We work hard at meeting each other's needs so neither one of us has any reason to feel neglected in our relationship. If one of us needs something its okay to ask for it and know that it'll be met as best as able. It won't be ignored or forgetten or treated like it shouldn't be there at all. A need is just that. Its okay to have them.
I'm much more alive now that cooler weather has arrived. Wanna go out and play. Little ones whisper on the wind and through the trees. Frost comes soon, come play with us. Look how the leaves celebrate! Come play with us. *sigh* the smell of wet decomposing leaves is wonderful in the coolth.
Walking around the mall in some spiffy clothes and a cloak was fab! All kinds of looks and comments. Everyone loved it. Not everyone knew what to call it; cape, shawl, "Lord of the Rings right? All you need is the leaf! That's cool." The drama suits me. Honestly the attention suits me and is just the kind of thing I need right now. Wants attention and pettins and parties and dancing.
Very sensory right now.
Still need to deal with some things that I have been sitting and pondering on. They'll have to sit a while longer. I have a life to live and enjoy.
Need to sew some. Need skirts and stuff for next weekend. Hoping its still nice and cool when I get to KC.
Yeah pizza goodness! Not enough food today earlier and had to wait far too long for the pizza goodness, Maybe that made it better than it really was. I prefer Davannis.
Frustration from yesterday eased for the most part. Blaming someone does not get anyone very far. Its much harder to deal with the feelings and underlying situation than to just blame someone else.
Every single time myself and the bf have gotten together the past 3-4 months his life has intruded in one way or another. Feeling more and more like there just isn't room for me in the fucked upness that is his life. Its not like I'm must of an obligation but it would be nice to occasionally have some time with him that didn't have interruptions. We used to have that. He's the only one who can make it happen. Intersting conversation, "I love you but your life will always trump me because I am not as important as ANYTHING else in your life." Me being happy is not as important as anything else. My needs being met is not as important as anything else. Not mad about this, just honest. Still sucks. If your needs aren't met can you really meet anyone else's anyway? I know I make his life harder than it has to be. He says I make it easier too but I see no evidence of that. Being willing to touch him might have something to do with it. But having similar needs does not happy make. Only understanding does it make.
The Honey is fabulous. Supportive and understanding and loving and kind. Did I mention secure? What a wonder. A person who is capable of loving and letting me love others. We work hard at meeting each other's needs so neither one of us has any reason to feel neglected in our relationship. If one of us needs something its okay to ask for it and know that it'll be met as best as able. It won't be ignored or forgetten or treated like it shouldn't be there at all. A need is just that. Its okay to have them.
I'm much more alive now that cooler weather has arrived. Wanna go out and play. Little ones whisper on the wind and through the trees. Frost comes soon, come play with us. Look how the leaves celebrate! Come play with us. *sigh* the smell of wet decomposing leaves is wonderful in the coolth.
Walking around the mall in some spiffy clothes and a cloak was fab! All kinds of looks and comments. Everyone loved it. Not everyone knew what to call it; cape, shawl, "Lord of the Rings right? All you need is the leaf! That's cool." The drama suits me. Honestly the attention suits me and is just the kind of thing I need right now. Wants attention and pettins and parties and dancing.
Very sensory right now.
Still need to deal with some things that I have been sitting and pondering on. They'll have to sit a while longer. I have a life to live and enjoy.
Need to sew some. Need skirts and stuff for next weekend. Hoping its still nice and cool when I get to KC.
