post-fsg post
Jun. 20th, 2011 11:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypatia42No resolutions were come to. I didn't really expect there to be any but I could hope. Apparently "No" is the answer to the question I asked before leaving. I think it is possible the question wasn't understood. I am now faced with some really unenviable decisions.
I planned three things for the three days I would be there that I knew would be good for me to help me regain a sense of safe and balance. None of these things happened. Too much of my energy and attention was sucked away for me to be able to do them. I'm trying to come to a place where this is ok but I feel it is a good indicator on the past couple of years. Not able to do the things that I need to do to take care of myself because of externally induced pressures. I will forgive myself for allowing this eventually.
I discovered I need to be in therapy for the feelings of violation I am dealing with. I was accused of over-reacting. I looked at that reaction and I can see exactly where it comes from. I knew I didn't feel safe. I didn't know how deep that damage went. I suppose its good that I can still feel safe with other people. I am not that deeply damaged. I am cracked though.
I'm owning my shit, not taking on other's, one foot in front of the other. Several different dieties have told me I'm headed in the right direction, continue in strength and compassion and I will make it. What anyone else believes or sees reflects more on themselves than it says about me. Anyone know a good therapist in Mpls?
"I don't need to be in that spotlight.
I create my own glowing light."
I planned three things for the three days I would be there that I knew would be good for me to help me regain a sense of safe and balance. None of these things happened. Too much of my energy and attention was sucked away for me to be able to do them. I'm trying to come to a place where this is ok but I feel it is a good indicator on the past couple of years. Not able to do the things that I need to do to take care of myself because of externally induced pressures. I will forgive myself for allowing this eventually.
I discovered I need to be in therapy for the feelings of violation I am dealing with. I was accused of over-reacting. I looked at that reaction and I can see exactly where it comes from. I knew I didn't feel safe. I didn't know how deep that damage went. I suppose its good that I can still feel safe with other people. I am not that deeply damaged. I am cracked though.
I'm owning my shit, not taking on other's, one foot in front of the other. Several different dieties have told me I'm headed in the right direction, continue in strength and compassion and I will make it. What anyone else believes or sees reflects more on themselves than it says about me. Anyone know a good therapist in Mpls?
"I don't need to be in that spotlight.
I create my own glowing light."