tired body
May. 12th, 2008 09:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypatia42Going to bed thinking of something and waking up thinking of something... I dislike this. Actual real life processing needs to happen. Alas, I have school that needs my energy far more than this situation does. Urg. Talk to me in Aug.
I shouldn't talk like that really. I'm just feeling that way this morning. I didn't get the opportunity to go to bed last night until 2 in the morning. I approve of my bedroom getting major progress in the painting arena. The blue is effin amazing. However that also meant that I did not get to spend the day with my honey. Leaving not one day this weekend that I did get to spend with him. I can usually spend Monday evening at least but that was not to be this week as his plane took off about the time I started writing this. I think he probably felt bad about someone else working in our house while he was not working, ie just spending time with me. I was exhausted at 9:30 and needed to go to sleep. I was waiting though. Waiting because my room is right next to the dining room where I am currently sleeping. Not so conducive to sleep, though given how tired I was I might have been able to manage it. Still not spending time with the Honey.
*sigh* Plans change and we have to be able to roll with that. Yesterday morning the plan was to spend the afternoon and evening together. I had made the statement of, "I don't want to have to share you tonight." He went out to breakfast, I did my homework massage, we saw each other again about 2. He needed to sleep to stave off a headache. I understand that. I poked around on the internet and started writing notes for the massage I had given. When he got up he told me that J would be coming over today(yesterday) to get a good start on the painting. I want the room painted, so I understand that. We went out to get groceries and gardening supplies. J arrived while we were gone. I decided I really didn't want to go back yet and have to share him again so we went to the CockPit to look for leather pants. We found them down the road at the Lava Lounge. Back home to cook dinner for the three of us. Got some gardening in. Mostly filling in the makeshift raised beds I have. I will get the plants for them later. After gardening the Honey wanted to go get the firepit, still over at J's house from his birthday party. Logical extension of gardening, he's tired of looking at the bare spot in the grass where the firepit goes, I understand. However at this point my body is done. I went upstairs to watch Food Network and ended up there until 12:45am. I didn't get to sit and veg with him. He decided to put the adhesive grippy tape down on the stairs because I fell and hurt myself. He wants to make sure that doesn't happen again, I understand. Lots of understanding going on. Lots of me not getting the time I need with my husband as well. I don't know how to manage this situation. I suppose I could have asked him to not do the stairs but by that time in the day I was so wiped I had nothing left.
I think there must come a point that no matter how much you understand why things don't go as you have asked that they do, you still have to put your foot down. I might have been able to do that last night if I had had anything left to give energy-wise. I guess what I did not have the presence of mind or energy to say last night is that despite my understanding I am disappointed that he chose to work on the stairs instead of cuddle with me. I know why he chose what he chose, I understand but I am still disappointed. We got very little us time this past weekend. Same for the the weekend before. I am glad that our room got painted. I understand that the Honey's head is exploding every night he has to sleep in the dining room. I wish there was something I could proactively do to help that along. However, painting is very hard on my body. Especially when I am exhausted from being up until 2. And I have clinic today that I have to save my energy and back strength for. And I have a week of classes where I have to either have work done on top of bruises, or make it up later in my copious amounts of spare time.
At the root of this seems to be my body pain. I have been hurting non-stop since I fell. I need some pets and lovins for me. I need to be touched to help remind me that here is ok and that being in my body is an alright place to be. Hurting non-stop is very tiring. Pain killers really only mask what is going on for a while. You still wear out your body even if you feel ok. Then you're worse off than when you started when it wears off. Would I have been able to keep going, perhaps help the Honey with the stairs and still stay up to cuddle and love on him after we were done if I had doped myself? Possibly. But I have clinic today and class this week.
Wow, this sounds like a lot of bitching. Really I'm processing through something I couldn't process through last night due to tired. I was in a whole lot of pain last week and the Honey was gone. No pets. Busy all weekend with very tired painful body, no pets. Same for this week. I'm at a point of not even knowing who to ask. The Honey is gone again. I think I ought to go back to bed for an hour or so.
I shouldn't talk like that really. I'm just feeling that way this morning. I didn't get the opportunity to go to bed last night until 2 in the morning. I approve of my bedroom getting major progress in the painting arena. The blue is effin amazing. However that also meant that I did not get to spend the day with my honey. Leaving not one day this weekend that I did get to spend with him. I can usually spend Monday evening at least but that was not to be this week as his plane took off about the time I started writing this. I think he probably felt bad about someone else working in our house while he was not working, ie just spending time with me. I was exhausted at 9:30 and needed to go to sleep. I was waiting though. Waiting because my room is right next to the dining room where I am currently sleeping. Not so conducive to sleep, though given how tired I was I might have been able to manage it. Still not spending time with the Honey.
*sigh* Plans change and we have to be able to roll with that. Yesterday morning the plan was to spend the afternoon and evening together. I had made the statement of, "I don't want to have to share you tonight." He went out to breakfast, I did my homework massage, we saw each other again about 2. He needed to sleep to stave off a headache. I understand that. I poked around on the internet and started writing notes for the massage I had given. When he got up he told me that J would be coming over today(yesterday) to get a good start on the painting. I want the room painted, so I understand that. We went out to get groceries and gardening supplies. J arrived while we were gone. I decided I really didn't want to go back yet and have to share him again so we went to the CockPit to look for leather pants. We found them down the road at the Lava Lounge. Back home to cook dinner for the three of us. Got some gardening in. Mostly filling in the makeshift raised beds I have. I will get the plants for them later. After gardening the Honey wanted to go get the firepit, still over at J's house from his birthday party. Logical extension of gardening, he's tired of looking at the bare spot in the grass where the firepit goes, I understand. However at this point my body is done. I went upstairs to watch Food Network and ended up there until 12:45am. I didn't get to sit and veg with him. He decided to put the adhesive grippy tape down on the stairs because I fell and hurt myself. He wants to make sure that doesn't happen again, I understand. Lots of understanding going on. Lots of me not getting the time I need with my husband as well. I don't know how to manage this situation. I suppose I could have asked him to not do the stairs but by that time in the day I was so wiped I had nothing left.
I think there must come a point that no matter how much you understand why things don't go as you have asked that they do, you still have to put your foot down. I might have been able to do that last night if I had had anything left to give energy-wise. I guess what I did not have the presence of mind or energy to say last night is that despite my understanding I am disappointed that he chose to work on the stairs instead of cuddle with me. I know why he chose what he chose, I understand but I am still disappointed. We got very little us time this past weekend. Same for the the weekend before. I am glad that our room got painted. I understand that the Honey's head is exploding every night he has to sleep in the dining room. I wish there was something I could proactively do to help that along. However, painting is very hard on my body. Especially when I am exhausted from being up until 2. And I have clinic today that I have to save my energy and back strength for. And I have a week of classes where I have to either have work done on top of bruises, or make it up later in my copious amounts of spare time.
At the root of this seems to be my body pain. I have been hurting non-stop since I fell. I need some pets and lovins for me. I need to be touched to help remind me that here is ok and that being in my body is an alright place to be. Hurting non-stop is very tiring. Pain killers really only mask what is going on for a while. You still wear out your body even if you feel ok. Then you're worse off than when you started when it wears off. Would I have been able to keep going, perhaps help the Honey with the stairs and still stay up to cuddle and love on him after we were done if I had doped myself? Possibly. But I have clinic today and class this week.
Wow, this sounds like a lot of bitching. Really I'm processing through something I couldn't process through last night due to tired. I was in a whole lot of pain last week and the Honey was gone. No pets. Busy all weekend with very tired painful body, no pets. Same for this week. I'm at a point of not even knowing who to ask. The Honey is gone again. I think I ought to go back to bed for an hour or so.