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Or perhaps 2.5. The class is 8.5 weeks long but the half was at the beginning. I've had 5 boot camp classes and several days of cardio on my bike. I'm tracking my food intake and trying to stay within reasonable limits. I am burning a lot more calories than I am taking in unless my tracking is way off. I've had enough days off in between now that I have recovered so I can really work tonight in class.
For years I have felt that I look better naked than with clothes on. Don't really have a problem with that until I try to buy clothes. Then it sucks. Last year I lost a lot of confidence in myself. On a bunch of fronts. I'm fixing that as best I can at a pace that feels safe. One of the things I am doing is taking my body back. I realized I had gained weight as a shield. Thinking doesn't really go into what happened. So I am conditioning my body again. Retraining my mind to accept me as I am rather than disliking my body and neglecting it.
I think it started with my hair. That is finally in a shape and color that I prefer. I have some weight to lose but mostly I am looking to tone and get fit. It will help my health and my activity level. I've been sleeping again and that is a boon I had not thought was possible given how long it has been.
The other front that I am aware needs work is being physically close to others. I need it, I know I do. Currently I am having trouble with relaxing and enjoying while trusting that my boundaries will be honored unless I have a long standing deep relationship with a person. Finding new people that I can do this with means trusting new people and that means trusting myself again. I feel a bit like I am holding a puzzle box knowing that it opens and not knowing where to begin. The prize is in the middle somewhere but I just keep turning it over and over puzzling.
You are afraid you will get hurt again. Don't worry. You will. But it will be in a different way with new lessons. You can believe in yourself. You are strong. You don't like to live in fear and this is what your mind has been fighting. There is no need to fear the thing that is certainty. Prepare for it. Move on. Live life.
Gosh when you put it that way it seems so simple. Like becoming complete... all you have to do is put the puzzle together in the right way... after finding all the pieces... and then fixing the ones that got broken... don't be snarky dear, its not becoming Yes mother.
When have I cared about being Becoming?!?!! *headdesk*
For years I have felt that I look better naked than with clothes on. Don't really have a problem with that until I try to buy clothes. Then it sucks. Last year I lost a lot of confidence in myself. On a bunch of fronts. I'm fixing that as best I can at a pace that feels safe. One of the things I am doing is taking my body back. I realized I had gained weight as a shield. Thinking doesn't really go into what happened. So I am conditioning my body again. Retraining my mind to accept me as I am rather than disliking my body and neglecting it.
I think it started with my hair. That is finally in a shape and color that I prefer. I have some weight to lose but mostly I am looking to tone and get fit. It will help my health and my activity level. I've been sleeping again and that is a boon I had not thought was possible given how long it has been.
The other front that I am aware needs work is being physically close to others. I need it, I know I do. Currently I am having trouble with relaxing and enjoying while trusting that my boundaries will be honored unless I have a long standing deep relationship with a person. Finding new people that I can do this with means trusting new people and that means trusting myself again. I feel a bit like I am holding a puzzle box knowing that it opens and not knowing where to begin. The prize is in the middle somewhere but I just keep turning it over and over puzzling.
You are afraid you will get hurt again. Don't worry. You will. But it will be in a different way with new lessons. You can believe in yourself. You are strong. You don't like to live in fear and this is what your mind has been fighting. There is no need to fear the thing that is certainty. Prepare for it. Move on. Live life.
Gosh when you put it that way it seems so simple. Like becoming complete... all you have to do is put the puzzle together in the right way... after finding all the pieces... and then fixing the ones that got broken... don't be snarky dear, its not becoming Yes mother.
When have I cared about being Becoming?!?!! *headdesk*
