She survived her second trip to KC in three weekends. While there we were sleeping with her a lot more and we noticed that the spazming is bad. Like every 1-1.5 hrs bad. None of us got much sleep. This has left me insanely worried about her. We don't know what is going on or why. We don't know that we are doing everything we can do to treat whatever it is and help her to the best of our ability. I've been second guessing myself on the choice to keep her with us, thinking that I am torturing her by keeping her alive. I keep expecting to walk up to her and find her dead.
Double E gave me a wake up call today. She has more good days than bad. She doesn't act like she is in significant amounts of pain. She is still willing to get around on her own and will fight for the right to do so. These things are positive proof that I can use when I start thinking negatively.
I'm not sure where I stand with regard to the high blood pressure evidence. Its on the low end of normal until she gets stressed and then it goes up dangerously. I would think that would mean that she needs to stay out of situations that are stressful but not necessarily need meds... But I could be wrong and that might effect her... Self doubt and questioning goes round in circles. The vet accused me of being upset with her. She is so wrong. I am not upset at the vet. I am upset at this whole situation and not knowing.
One day at a time. My little girl with with me today. I will appreciate that.
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