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relationships
Jun. 10th, 2010 01:06 amI'm a pain in the ass. If anyone has ever tried to tell you something different then they are crazy or unobservant. Sadly I go to the place of question my ability to be in a relationship way too easily. I have one long term relationship. I have no way of determining if I am a factor in that or if its the Honey that has made the long term nature of it a reality.
I feel like I suck at communication. I feel like I can't tell people what I need without them being threatened by it. I feel pretty fucking terrible about the fact that I think in feelings and words are hard to come by. Its really hard to be in a relationship with me. I've found two people who can function without words. Unfortunately I can't really be close to either of them. I feel cursed. I have two relationships under my belt that have lasted past a year in any healthy manner.
I never would have asked for, nor looked for any of my relationships to end. I don't it at all. The connections don't go away. I just stop being able to do anything with them. I don't know that I have a preference for choosing to end a relationship over having the other partner choose to end it. They are both their own special brand of hell for a very long time.
I've consumed most of a bottle of wine this...morning. I love that the Honey can make me laugh even when I'm angry or depressed. It gives me hope that maybe I'm not as bad at relationships as I fear. How terribly feminine is it of me to blame myself and question every little thing I do when something comes up?
I feel like I suck at communication. I feel like I can't tell people what I need without them being threatened by it. I feel pretty fucking terrible about the fact that I think in feelings and words are hard to come by. Its really hard to be in a relationship with me. I've found two people who can function without words. Unfortunately I can't really be close to either of them. I feel cursed. I have two relationships under my belt that have lasted past a year in any healthy manner.
I never would have asked for, nor looked for any of my relationships to end. I don't it at all. The connections don't go away. I just stop being able to do anything with them. I don't know that I have a preference for choosing to end a relationship over having the other partner choose to end it. They are both their own special brand of hell for a very long time.
I've consumed most of a bottle of wine this...morning. I love that the Honey can make me laugh even when I'm angry or depressed. It gives me hope that maybe I'm not as bad at relationships as I fear. How terribly feminine is it of me to blame myself and question every little thing I do when something comes up?
