sink or swim

Doing my best to not be swallowed by loss today. So many things that I have to take care of now with a damaged body and low energy reserves because of someone else's mistake. My brain is in a fog and can't keep up. Words missed and transposed not communicated clearly.

Today is three steps sideways. Perspective change imminent.

content-ful?

I don't know where this will go but I noticed I haven't really made a post with what's going on in my life recently. Like months recently.

I've been dealing with tired and sore a lot. The wreck has not been fun to deal with. I went to Beltane anyway and it was good. I got some healing there I would not have been able to get if I had stayed home. The mental requirements I have to stay on top of because of insurance details have not been easy. I feel like things are slipping through the cracks. Honestly, they probably are. If you have contacted me and I haven't gotten back to you, contact me again. Speaking seems to be scrambled. I'm often transposing words in sentences or pulling up the wrong one for no apparent reason.

The week before the wreck I was in FL for the Honey's birthday. We went clubbing in South Beach and in West Palm Beach. We went to visit the ocean at Juno Beach and Coco Beach. I swam in the sea water and basked in the sun. I feel strongly that my health would be better if I could do that on a regular basis. I met a lovely Brazillian woman who was bent of getting me as drunk as possible and converting as many aspects of my preferences to Brazillian ways as she could. BTW, Brazillian coffee is amazing. So is Brazillian liquor. We went to Disney World and visited with C. We met Tink and she signed a couple of pictures for some lovely girls I know. I finally got the Honey onto Space Mountain at the very last minute possible. I was giddy with life and glee by the time we left. Cold when we got home. SO much sun.

Business has been too slow for comfort. I had planned to go get a job with a local gym when I got back from Beltane but the physical ability is too low right now to make that a possibility. So I'm looking for people who need to be worked on so I can get work.

My spiritual work has been mirroring my relationship work. Interesting how that happens. Overall I am happy with the direction I am going and who is going with me.

The search for hope that doesn't destroy me is difficult. I may have to rely on acceptance. I suppose there is a light and dark side to that as with everything else. You really have to accept that good things will come too. Hope has an edge to it. Release expectation and still hope? A puzzle.