Podling feeling better

Well, it has taken me and hour and a half to correct a problem I didn't know existed and don't know how it arose. Much like other computer problems, "restore to factory settings" worked. I hope it continues to prove that restoring was all Podling needed.

I really did try to take a walk before sitting down in front of the computer today. I got all the way outside and noticed my little green Podling wasn't feeling well. Back to the inside for assessment. Windows didn't recognize it, iTunes said it was corrupted... how does one corrupt a Nano? I don't even know. I just synced it yesterday too. Maybe that was my problem. Put all the music you want on the thing and then never sync it again doesn't seem like how things should work though...

connections

They are looking at having to make the decision today of taking Z off of life support. His other option is surgery on his brain that will at best leave him blind and bedridden the rest of his life with no guarantee that it will work. The Dr's do not want to do this surgery. Prognosis is *very* not good.

The Honey believes this situation is why we have both been down lately. I have to admit my connection to these people, his family. I cannot even express my concern adequately to them. I don't even know where to begin. Trying to convey condolences across lots of distance in Ancient Greek is what this feels like. If I were there and able to touch the language difference wouldn't matter. There is nothing I/we can do from here. We can't even go there. Feeling a bit helpless and adrift. I can only imagine from afar what they are going through. I've watched people I love go through this. There is nothing I can offer but my love and that feels so little from here. Still thinking of them.

Thinking of this connection that I didn't ask for with the Honey's family but have anyway brought to mind all of the dealing with anger I have been doing. Anger rooted in the fact that I didn't ask for this new connection. I didn't want it. I worked long and hard to break the old one and I did a damn good job. The new connection doesn't make the work undone. Still, not wanting it does not mean it isn't there. I think that would be obvious by now. Railing and beating at things and myself about it isn't going to change things. The lack of trust is at the root of this lack of desire for connection. I don't like being around people I don't trust. I don't like being tied to people I don't trust.

At least with M's family I can not let them into the parts of my life that they find objectionable. Protect myself a bit from the potential backlash. I am voluntarily bound into both situations. Strange that I find it easier to trust people that don't understand me in the slightest.