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Apr. 5th, 2008 12:44 amI feel like beating something repeatedly. My hands probably wouldn't take it but for the first time ever I think a punching bag would be nice. Maybe breaking things. Breaking things would be easier on my hands and then you get the lovely cathartic sound.
Looking around my life I wonder, is there anything the Honey and I actually like doing together? He plays video games and I help. That is not an activity that encourages cuddling. Too much movement on the player part for cuddling to work. Honestly we are truly a case of opposites attract. We don't do the same things, we don't like the same music, we don't play the same way, and we speak very different languages. Some days it feels like a fight to communicate.
I get more virtual hugs in a week than I get real ones. I have been reaching out to real live people here in MN more lately because I cannot keep having my main support group be at least 450 miles away. The majority of the people I have known here in MN are too busy living their lives to spend time in mine. Kids get like that sometimes, they are such demanding little creatures ;) Still I need people and it is my responsibility to find people who can reach out to me.
Going out and looking for a lover here seems like an energy expenditure I cannot afford. I don't really know that though. I've never once looked for a relationship. I don't date, I don't sleep around, I don't even know where to begin. Maybe its the learning that seems like the energy expenditure...
Thing is I don't really miss the sex most of the time. I miss the company. I miss someone to hold me and listen to me. I miss having someone to listen to. I miss tickle fights and soft pets when I hurt. I miss the fierce loving hug when I just need to cry. Ideally I would live in a house with several other people in my space all the time. I grew up with it, it is normal. I remember cherishing every precious minute of my alone time, all 20 of them. The Manor is what I need. Sadly it not longer exists. I'm not sure it is in the cards for me anyhow. We'll see how the world unfolds.
3 class finals down, three to go. I've reserved Sunday evening for creating the file for my report on Tuesday. Shouldn't be difficult really, I mean 6 minutes of info is not all that much. I could probably go on for 45 about Reiki, not that these people would want to listen but that is a different issue.
Finding a new community to belong to. Different focus and different age group. I actually got carded at a pub the other day wherein the only thing they serve if alcohol... I chuckled. I danced a lot. Great people. I wish I had the time to devote to Terpsichory this year so I felt like I could actually throw my hat in for one of the open spots. On one hand I'm glad I know that it would be a bad idea, on the other I wish I had the energy to devote to it cause wow would that be fun.
Its late. I'm avoiding going to bed cause that is what I do when the Honey is supposed to be here and he isn't. Avoiding going to bed is not going to mean that he will magically show up though. Neither does it negate my need for sleep with a hugely busy weekend ahead of me and finals next week. A&P prof told us to know when to stop and just go to sleep. The good night's rest will do us more good.
And so Teacher Tom, I will take your advice and give up on the wakeful part of this day to await the day in blissful slumber. If there is a cat pelt on the back porch tomorrow it was totally justified.
Looking around my life I wonder, is there anything the Honey and I actually like doing together? He plays video games and I help. That is not an activity that encourages cuddling. Too much movement on the player part for cuddling to work. Honestly we are truly a case of opposites attract. We don't do the same things, we don't like the same music, we don't play the same way, and we speak very different languages. Some days it feels like a fight to communicate.
I get more virtual hugs in a week than I get real ones. I have been reaching out to real live people here in MN more lately because I cannot keep having my main support group be at least 450 miles away. The majority of the people I have known here in MN are too busy living their lives to spend time in mine. Kids get like that sometimes, they are such demanding little creatures ;) Still I need people and it is my responsibility to find people who can reach out to me.
Going out and looking for a lover here seems like an energy expenditure I cannot afford. I don't really know that though. I've never once looked for a relationship. I don't date, I don't sleep around, I don't even know where to begin. Maybe its the learning that seems like the energy expenditure...
Thing is I don't really miss the sex most of the time. I miss the company. I miss someone to hold me and listen to me. I miss having someone to listen to. I miss tickle fights and soft pets when I hurt. I miss the fierce loving hug when I just need to cry. Ideally I would live in a house with several other people in my space all the time. I grew up with it, it is normal. I remember cherishing every precious minute of my alone time, all 20 of them. The Manor is what I need. Sadly it not longer exists. I'm not sure it is in the cards for me anyhow. We'll see how the world unfolds.
3 class finals down, three to go. I've reserved Sunday evening for creating the file for my report on Tuesday. Shouldn't be difficult really, I mean 6 minutes of info is not all that much. I could probably go on for 45 about Reiki, not that these people would want to listen but that is a different issue.
Finding a new community to belong to. Different focus and different age group. I actually got carded at a pub the other day wherein the only thing they serve if alcohol... I chuckled. I danced a lot. Great people. I wish I had the time to devote to Terpsichory this year so I felt like I could actually throw my hat in for one of the open spots. On one hand I'm glad I know that it would be a bad idea, on the other I wish I had the energy to devote to it cause wow would that be fun.
Its late. I'm avoiding going to bed cause that is what I do when the Honey is supposed to be here and he isn't. Avoiding going to bed is not going to mean that he will magically show up though. Neither does it negate my need for sleep with a hugely busy weekend ahead of me and finals next week. A&P prof told us to know when to stop and just go to sleep. The good night's rest will do us more good.
And so Teacher Tom, I will take your advice and give up on the wakeful part of this day to await the day in blissful slumber. If there is a cat pelt on the back porch tomorrow it was totally justified.