hypatia42: (Default)
"The amazing synthesis of refinement and barely harnessed wild." was the sentence I came up with a week or so ago I think. He's always been there for me. He's always been straight with me. Embracing the experience of ecstasy fully and realizing that the pain must be as fully experienced to be able to do so at all.

Being in pain for me is like having fair skin. Its something that I live in and I have to pay attention to and have to take care of. It limits some things that I can do but it does not define who I am. I like being able to say this.

I have a client with two children who have chronic auto-immune disorders. I applaud her for allowing them to honor their limits while still encouraging them to expand as they are able. The things she goes through to make sure that her children will grow up to believe in themselves rather than think they are lazy or not worth living or or or... I have a lot of admiration for her.

I made a promise a while back that I need to get to work on. I've been letting it percolate for a while and I think it is action time. I will be working more with Aphrodite and Dionysus but I will also be talking to Freya cause I said I would figure that out. Family is family and all.

Change is on the wind. No clue how things will turn out but I believe that they will be for the greater good. A realistic optimist with faith, that's me.

I didn't go dancing tonight. I could have but the evening went about as unplanned as possible. I figured sitting and chillin would be a better idea than trying to get out. And I'm tired. I don't have anything to do tomorrow so it will be a chilling and resting kind of day.
hypatia42: (Default)
I woke before I had to this morning. I knew that after a weekend of class I would need to move my appt back to lunch time and had to forethought to do so last week instead of this morning. Its a good day.

Its a beautiful day and I *can* see it.

Death happens. Shock of knowing. The world is changed. True that I am no longer connected to this person because of time and distance but I still feel the impact. Death happens in many ways, even to the living.

Change happens. Decisions made. Change has to happen. Change has to happen or death happens.

Things I learned this weekend, some known, some new;
-It is possible to give of yourself. It is almost never a good idea. *known-good reminder*
-Allow yourself to ask for what you need. *known*
-Push/Pull & Neutral *new*
-The idea that we are spiritual entities who have come into a physical being. *new-more on this later*
-Victim mode disempowers. It removes personal responsibility. *new way of looking at an known idea*
-Warrior is the ultimate place of center. *new*

I've not been listening to my body for too long. Its not been a good place to be for a long time. Not listening has caused damage. No one to blame but myself. Take responsibility. External situation is definitely contributing factor. Too much bottled up to be healthy for anything.

Doing the right thing increases the overall good. Inevitably it is also the hard thing. I feel like it has been my job to do the hard thing lately. I see it needs to be done therefore I do it. I say it. I ask it. Only one person has thanked me for doing it so they didn't have to. That person even said I did it well and with a minimum of damage given the potential in that situation. Some things just need doing. Asking why is it always me doesn't prevent them from needing to be done. I saw it needed to be done and I will do it.

I am looking forward to getting the sword back. I never thought I would say something like that but its true. I believe strongly that to have healthy interaction one must first look inward and be healthy. Let those things that no longer serve me/you or actively fight growth to fall away to allow space for the new things that could be. The pruning has happened/will be happening. What will this growing season look like?

Its a beautiful day and I can see it.

transition

Feb. 10th, 2011 05:16 pm
hypatia42: (Fire from water)
"So many people are into the spiritual rebirth thing they lose sight of the importance of the death that has to come first." E

Things are moving for me. On a level I feel like I am spiritually prepping for my own funeral. Ego death on the horizon. I can feel it come. Things are already shifting in readiness. The exact time is an unknown for the moment. So many people I'm indirectly connected to are making that final transition. Soon.

Its funny. I have a bunch of people I am directly connected to that function as psychopomps. The realms of death are loud and busy and distracting for them. My power, energy, existence are so wrapped up in primal life that death is quiet for me. A gentle and peaceful walk through a deserted land. The perfect place to take all the different pieces of me and arrange them to my liking for now. The parts that no longer serve me get left behind to be recycled for someone else. It is a hugely powerful transformative experience that if I allow it and accept it comes easily and naturally. I'm not sure why I can look into the future knowing nothing about how I will look when I'm done and feel peaceful about it. I don't need to know why. Allowing the peace to wash through me is the best way I know to go with the waves of change.

Knowing is an illusion. Security is an illusion. True freedom is scary and comes with huge personal responsibility. I can fly. Watch me.
hypatia42: (Default)
Things are really picking up in the business aspect of my life. It feels good and right. It is also terrifying me. I take this as a good sign.

Things shifted for me while in FL. Like tectonically moved scale. The face of my life has changed and I'm not quite sure how things will ultimately shake out. Made some decisions, restructured things, communicated other things in better ways, overall good stuff going on in Amy-land.

I have set things up to pay my sales tax once a year. I will have to surpass 21 massages a month for that to have to change. I think this is an ok threshold to stay under for my health and wellness and overall focus allowed to other parts of my life that I find valuable.

cut for financials ) It will take me a while to work my business up to the point where I am doing anywhere close to 21 massages a month but I have faith that I will get there. In the meantime I am doing everything I can to cover my bills(eeeeppp!!).

Car accident recovery continues apace. That pace being slow. There are a couple of places that are hounding me for payment since they either billed slowly or miss billed at the offset. Not so happy about that but I am lucky to have a good lawyer who is fighting for me. I kinda wish I could say I was done and recovered already but that would be a lie, or overly optimistic...

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