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all the things
Friday I started taking adderall. My friend calls them brain goggles and hereafter I will refer to them thusly. Because it amuses me to great degree.
Brain goggles were apparently what was necessary. Monday was my psych appointment and his words were to the effect of, "You have this underlying neurological condition. Any stress that comes along is going to make it more difficult to deal with that. Like having asthma and then getting a cold, we have to give you a different inhaler. Well you are going through what amounts to a nasty case of influenza." He also told me that he deals with two types of people, one that is having problems with their perceptions of situations and the other is dealing with overwhelming factual situations. He helped me feel like it was okay to be overwhelmed. I needed that. I have a lot of follow-up work to do but I am glad I am getting help.
Mom developed mouth sores. She is beyond not thrilled. I scared she is going to stop eating. Nothing I can really do about that. Adjust your own mask first and all. She goes back in for her next infusion on Thursday. It is only going to get harder. I asked Keith to help her, to share with her the fight that he showed every day before he died. This morning her journal post was more forward thinking than I have seen her in a while. I wonder if giving her projects to do would help her think less about how miserable she is...
The drama on the B* lists is drama filled. I am managing to not get embroiled in it this time around, mostly due to being completely out of fucks to give. All of my fucks are reserved for life and death things right now. I hope I can remember this Zen feeling and harness it in the future. Truly the only thing that comes from the national lists is drama. I hope to see a day where that is no longer the case.
I really need a cuddle pile. I am obviously the wrong species. I read emails from people saying please don't touch me. Don't hug me unless I clear it first. I can't help but feel sorry for them. Humans were made for contact. More and more I feel like the outlier.
Brain goggles were apparently what was necessary. Monday was my psych appointment and his words were to the effect of, "You have this underlying neurological condition. Any stress that comes along is going to make it more difficult to deal with that. Like having asthma and then getting a cold, we have to give you a different inhaler. Well you are going through what amounts to a nasty case of influenza." He also told me that he deals with two types of people, one that is having problems with their perceptions of situations and the other is dealing with overwhelming factual situations. He helped me feel like it was okay to be overwhelmed. I needed that. I have a lot of follow-up work to do but I am glad I am getting help.
Mom developed mouth sores. She is beyond not thrilled. I scared she is going to stop eating. Nothing I can really do about that. Adjust your own mask first and all. She goes back in for her next infusion on Thursday. It is only going to get harder. I asked Keith to help her, to share with her the fight that he showed every day before he died. This morning her journal post was more forward thinking than I have seen her in a while. I wonder if giving her projects to do would help her think less about how miserable she is...
The drama on the B* lists is drama filled. I am managing to not get embroiled in it this time around, mostly due to being completely out of fucks to give. All of my fucks are reserved for life and death things right now. I hope I can remember this Zen feeling and harness it in the future. Truly the only thing that comes from the national lists is drama. I hope to see a day where that is no longer the case.
I really need a cuddle pile. I am obviously the wrong species. I read emails from people saying please don't touch me. Don't hug me unless I clear it first. I can't help but feel sorry for them. Humans were made for contact. More and more I feel like the outlier.