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violence and death
Sep. 29th, 2012 08:46 pmor how the last few years have changed me.
I mentioned to EE that I never used to fantasize about beating someone bloody. I have changed radically over the last few years and she said she has watched it happening. I wonder if I shouldn't get myself into a quarterstaff class or something. I'm always thinking about doing violence with a baseball bat. Seems to make sense. It is rarely fantasizing about doing violence to anyone in particular anymore. I'm glad that has eased off. Less people in my life to need violence is a good thing.
This is completely aside from the snap reactions of violence when someone surprises me. I'm becoming more at peace with that as I realize that if I hadn't accidentally hurt him I wouldn't feel bad at all and if someone had meant to do me harm then the reaction I had is completely warranted. The ego part of me wishes I could go get the surveillance vids and watch it cause I know it was pretty. Shift, drop, pivot, roundhouse, impact. Nice.
This evening the Honey and I had an honest discussion of where we thought Kitty Cat was at and if we need to talk to the vet about putting her to sleep. I am now emotionally drained and feel like beating something. I just feel so helpless. I have no idea how to make sure I am making the right decision or if I am letting my own desires get in the way of what is best for her. I've never been through this before. As far as I know none of the animals we have had in my life have died while in my possession. We left them all.
I mentioned to EE that I never used to fantasize about beating someone bloody. I have changed radically over the last few years and she said she has watched it happening. I wonder if I shouldn't get myself into a quarterstaff class or something. I'm always thinking about doing violence with a baseball bat. Seems to make sense. It is rarely fantasizing about doing violence to anyone in particular anymore. I'm glad that has eased off. Less people in my life to need violence is a good thing.
This is completely aside from the snap reactions of violence when someone surprises me. I'm becoming more at peace with that as I realize that if I hadn't accidentally hurt him I wouldn't feel bad at all and if someone had meant to do me harm then the reaction I had is completely warranted. The ego part of me wishes I could go get the surveillance vids and watch it cause I know it was pretty. Shift, drop, pivot, roundhouse, impact. Nice.
This evening the Honey and I had an honest discussion of where we thought Kitty Cat was at and if we need to talk to the vet about putting her to sleep. I am now emotionally drained and feel like beating something. I just feel so helpless. I have no idea how to make sure I am making the right decision or if I am letting my own desires get in the way of what is best for her. I've never been through this before. As far as I know none of the animals we have had in my life have died while in my possession. We left them all.