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Sep. 24th, 2012
making friends
Sep. 24th, 2012 01:23 pmI discovered I have another part of me that I need to make friends with. No amount of me really believing that people should ask before smacking me in the ass negates the feeling that I need to not haul off and punch someone in the face or kick them in the crotch for doing so. Trigger aside, how to deal with the reaction is what I need to figure out and defuse.
( read on for the sordid details, writ down so I will remember later )
Startling me is rattling and will usually make me jump. I can generally hold action until I have control over all of my parts though. Unless touch is added into the mix. When touch is added I don't yet have the ability to hold my action and it turns into reaction and tends to get violent.
I'm in a peaceful place with most of my animals. They will react to protect though and its not a process I have a whole lot of thought control over. They exist in the part of my head that doesn't have words.
Truthfully I have been not getting my needs met as much as I should. Its one of the best ways to make sure those aspects of me stay calm and don't react to stimuli in this way. I'm not sure how to manage all of these aspects at once.
The factors that made yesterday into the troubling thing it was:
-days of imbalance due to health issues
-weeks of feeling rattled where Shirtless is concerned because of different but related health issues
-iron control of all sorts of impulses due to public exposure
I broke. I was not centered and calm. I was off center and really out of balance with myself. I don't like that I broke. I don't like that I was so off center.
Things I can do:
-ask for help meeting my needs from more people who can help with that
-mindfulness practice on centering myself
~possibly reassess what those needs are and how they are met given how frequently they have been going unmet for so long now
( read on for the sordid details, writ down so I will remember later )
Startling me is rattling and will usually make me jump. I can generally hold action until I have control over all of my parts though. Unless touch is added into the mix. When touch is added I don't yet have the ability to hold my action and it turns into reaction and tends to get violent.
I'm in a peaceful place with most of my animals. They will react to protect though and its not a process I have a whole lot of thought control over. They exist in the part of my head that doesn't have words.
Truthfully I have been not getting my needs met as much as I should. Its one of the best ways to make sure those aspects of me stay calm and don't react to stimuli in this way. I'm not sure how to manage all of these aspects at once.
The factors that made yesterday into the troubling thing it was:
-days of imbalance due to health issues
-weeks of feeling rattled where Shirtless is concerned because of different but related health issues
-iron control of all sorts of impulses due to public exposure
I broke. I was not centered and calm. I was off center and really out of balance with myself. I don't like that I broke. I don't like that I was so off center.
Things I can do:
-ask for help meeting my needs from more people who can help with that
-mindfulness practice on centering myself
~possibly reassess what those needs are and how they are met given how frequently they have been going unmet for so long now