hypatia42: (Default)
Recovery is strange. I don't like, but recognize the necessity of, opiates. Set myself a timer. Take them regularly. Avoid break-thru pain. Makes pain management much easier. However I am constantly feeling the not fun side effects of drunk all of the time. Nausea, head spinning, inability to concentrate or focus, general loss of time. It all sucks.

I have "some" staples in my ankle right now. Still don't know if they will be able to give me my hardware back but the call is in to the dr, all prayers that this is easy and happens quickly are welcome. I'm excited to see the xrays of the bone at my check up next week. Everyday it gets easier to walk, really the hardest part about walking is the staples rubbing on the boot.

Both of the spice girls are cuddling with me and holding me down a lot since I got home. They are sweet little things.

I feel like I want to get things done but really I don't have the energy. Hell, I was gonna get caught up on Arrow but keeping my attention for long enough to watch an entire episode seems challenging. Usually reading can hold my brain when nothing else can and it just isn't right now. *see opiates

Buying clothing online is a royal PITA. I hear so many people talking about how nice it is. It rarely works well for me. Even paying for custom fitting it is just a cluster ***k. Coat and three shirts going back. At least the coat will be coming back in the right size without extra shipping costs. Grr.

Once I'm off of opiates I am going to have to hit the weight loss journey hard core. I do not like that the last three years/three surgeries have seen my weight rise 30 lbs. Just when I recover enough to really get going again I feel like I get knocked back down. I know that everything I did this year to get back in shape will make it that much easier to recover from the latest surgery. I also know that I am going to need a kick in the pants. How to do that in a boot is my current question...
hypatia42: (Default)
after months of searching and finally realizing that I was going to have to pay designer prices or custom prices I started looking at designer dresses cause I knew I had procrastinated enough that custom wasn't an option. It worked. I found a dress yesterday. I paid a lot less than I expected to even though its a Calvin Klein. Its very flattering, doesn't expose cleavage yet accommodates the bosoms, should wear well, and coordinate with multiple other accessories because of its simple design. I am in favor of all of these things.

The thing that makes it remarkable is I tried on a 16 and it was floppy and didn't fit well. The 14 fit like a glove, moved nicely, and was exactly the color I was looking for. I have gained at least 20 lbs since I was a 14 before. I know that part of the weight is the increased breast size. I know I have always been squishy. I guess I am surprised that I can fit a 14 at all.

I should trust myself more often. My shape makes it hard to find clothing. I can usually tell by looking at something if it will be flattering. Some piece of clothing not being built well for my body is not a failure in me.


Dec. 17th, 2012 01:20 pm
hypatia42: (hugs)
the last 6 months have been hell for my body in multiple ways. *see surgery I have gained weight in strange places, my body has changed shape, I'm still not comfortable wearing tight pants because of how they pull on my abdomen, and my core strength is not back to what I would really like it to be.

*sigh* The worst/most irritating thing that has come of this is that I need new bras. I don't have issues with clothing sizes. I don't feel terrible about myself if I go up or down a size or even three. I buy clothes that fit and look good on my and go about my day. Not so with bras. I have more problems finding bras and subsequently shirts that fit because of my bust size that it drives me absolutely batty.

I discovered I cannot let the letter go. I wonder if they have done with bra sizes what they did with clothing sizes and made them "vanity sizes" to make small women feel better about themselves. I wonder if this is the cause of the blasted rib issue I have going on in my midscapular region.

No amount of people telling me that they are lovely is helping me deal with that fucking letter. Cause then I am left thinking things like, they only want me around because I have a nice rack. Which is really not helping.

I need to loose the weight I gained because of this health issue and resulting surgery. I will be fine. The letter will not get the best of me. Right now I am in "ugh" mode tho. Don't mind me.


hypatia42: (Default)

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