hypatia42: (Default)
Michael leaves for Paris in a little over 2 hours. He is only gone for a week this time but I am feeling depleted and down at the outset. I'm not looking forward to this week you might say. I had hoped that I would be able to go visit someone else for a part of this week but work schedules being what they are didn't match up well enough to make that happen. One step at a time, one day at a time.

The original plan for Michael to be gone the first two weeks in October and I was to fly to Dublin to visit friends. He would have met us for a long weekend and then gone on to London. We decided that wasn't wise if we truly want to go to Costa Rica next spring for his 40th. His trip got moved and shortened which is good. But, the decision to not have me go with for this trip is leaving me feeling lost and without connection.

In true ADD style I lost two of the scripts for my ADD meds. These are the kind that CANNOT be replaced if you lose them so I'm scraping by until December. A different system must be devised if I am going to continue to be on meds that are restricted from electronic transfer in the future.

It has been a rather gray fall so far. I can't say I am thrilled about where my brain is at. I don't know what to think or how to manage this right now. I keep wanting a hammock in a sauna with a sun lamp. I don't have one of those handy. I recognize that is some people's version of hell but I'm me and it is what I want. Cuddles and pets would not go amiss.
hypatia42: (Default)
While we were gone to KC for Christmas we paid a friend to paint the interior second floor of our house. It never got completely finished from when we started ~9 years ago. All kinds of health issues were cause by that but we came home and it was done. The living room is a lovely spring-like green which the Honey will eventually get used to. The dining room is still red but it is a lighter color and not as reflective. The kitchen is a beautiful nautical dark blue, not navy. The little mudroom is a pale aqua called Tidewater. All of the trim and the soon-to-be-ex office is all an off white called Marshmallow. It looks so much brighter and more vibrant in here. I love it. I also love the fact that it is done.

Mom started the next round of chemo, Taxol this time. It has completely different side effects and things to deal with. This time it is a weekly infusion. Really not fun times. She's doing okay mentally for now. She had three weeks off in December where she got to feel more normal than she has for months. I think it helped.

I find myself in need of a sewing machine. Among other things. But there are priorities ahead of that. So I go sewing over at a friend's house on the regular.

My word for the year this year is movement. I need to get up and move more. I hurt a lot but really, moving gently and constantly will improve that. I have the capacity. My word last year was Health. The year certainly made me face some health things in myself and others that I didn't expect. I think I'm on the road to better health. Here's to moving more.

I was going to visit Vegas next weekend with friends but it got canceled a while back, then re-planned after I had made other plans. I'm going to visit friends in FL. I will see the sun. I will be surrounded by loved ones and FoC. It will be good for me. I need to figure out what all to take with me. Hooray for Silver status!!
hypatia42: (Default)
Found this thing I wrote a while back:

The closer you are the better I feel. Interestingly I don't feel you as fire but as earth. You ground me to the land and back into myself in ways I don't know how to explain. The moment you start losing power in the world I get sad and overwarm and I don't deal with things well until I have time to adjust. I wonder if those cycles would be easier to bear if I loved closer to the equator. I will not know the answer to that soon if I ever do.

I wonder at the relationships between me and children of the moon. It seems that sibling type relationship works better than work or heart types. Sometimes opposite just means your needs are opposing and no matter what else you have in common it isn't going to work. I've not known a daughter of Selene though, only Artemis. I wonder too if that would make a difference.

I give you homage. I bask in your glory. I give thanks for all that you afford me and this existence.

productive

Jan. 23rd, 2015 04:25 pm
hypatia42: (Default)
trying to track things. Today I have been so productive its like I'm not even me. Its more like I am in a pocket dimension where things take a quarter of the time they should and I have unlimited spoons. I remembered to feed myself and I made good choices where I did. Other data points; today was clear skies and 43 degrees.

Correlation or causation? You decide.

11 more days.
hypatia42: (Fire from water)
I'm doing better this year than I was last year. By this time last year Michael had been in Paris most of the year and I desperately needed support. Badly enough that I skipped town and went to stay with P&M for a long weekend.

This year my surgery recovery has been so different. I'm still in the boot, which I wasn't this time last year, but my range of motion is back and I don't typically have much pain. I got cleared last week to go swimming so I did that over the weekend. For the first time since before Thanksgiving I felt freedom of movement. Even with muscle atrophy I am still a stronger swimmer that the Honey. This makes us both laugh.

I need to work harder at remembering that he and I have very different strengths and weaknesses. His strengths often seem more applicable in day to day life but that doesn't mean I don't have any. Comparison is the thief of joy and all.

It has been sunny enough on some days that I am not completely losing my mind. I'm hoping I will be gone for the worst of it in March. Going to Hawai'i is a dream come true. I honestly never thought I would make it to a place in life where it was a possibility. I don't care that it is made possible by perks from Michael's work. I am still going. Doing what I can to not feel guilty about that too. Such a strange place in my head.

Small things bring me joy and that is really for the best. I just had ramen for the first time in Years. I don't know how many. Gluten Free ramen. I made the broth with chicken stock from my own freezer. Dear gods that was good. I should remember the brand...

Candle making is happening next weekend. I need to get things set up for that.

That's about it for now. Love.

sun lust

Jan. 30th, 2013 03:49 pm
hypatia42: (Default)
I am missing the sun pretty badly. I had a wake up call via a text message I wrote. I said I didn't care what I did on my upcoming trip, I didn't care about it. I looked at that and I realized that is really not me. I realized I have been sleeping more and not really doing much. I realized I have been waiting around for something to happen when really I need to make it happen.

Progress on things under the cut )
hypatia42: (Default)
How bad is it? When I take two valerian and a hydrocodone together then 45 minutes later I'm wide awake cause I'm not in pain anymore, its Bad.

Vegas was amazing. Pretty much anyplace that had sun and warm would have sufficed though. We saw Penn & Teller and "O" by Cirque du Soliel. The former was hillarious and magical. The latter was breath taking and magical. Almost all the bars treated my favorite drink like it was a mixed drink when its really more like a martini. There is no need to add soda water to a caiprinha. I also now understand why alcohol snobs say that 007's fav drink it a watered down drink. Shaken just melts the ice faster. I am not fond of watered down. Voodoo was a blast. Dancing was much needed. I saw everything I could see. I won't go back for anything other than a special occasion. I'm not enthralled I guess I should say. In love with the sun though.

Vacation was necessary and good. Need to remember to cut off the claws tomorrow.
hypatia42: (Default)
Its some kind of terrible when a day with the sun behind the clouds can make me feel like the world is not a place I wanna be.

The house needs to be fixed, insulated, and painted. I'm hoping we get two out of three there. Trees need to be removed and I'm holding off planting things cause I don't want them to die when either of those things happen.

Thinking I need to change the accounts that several automatic transactions happen through. If I can just put it in there then I don't need to worry about it. I will maintain the amount necessary in that account and since it is not an account that either of us use we should be fine.

I'm tired. I think its been too many days with not quite enough sleep and working hard in the middle. I can tell it is effecting me. Probably making the lack of sunshine worse.

Dude... I'm in pain. I forgot that I get crabby and depressed when I'm in pain. I will go take pain killers now. I will also go tanning and have a nap before the Honey gets home. This will totally reframe my day such that I can have a lovely evening.

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