sun lust

Jan. 30th, 2013 03:49 pm
hypatia42: (Default)
I am missing the sun pretty badly. I had a wake up call via a text message I wrote. I said I didn't care what I did on my upcoming trip, I didn't care about it. I looked at that and I realized that is really not me. I realized I have been sleeping more and not really doing much. I realized I have been waiting around for something to happen when really I need to make it happen.

Progress on things under the cut )
hypatia42: (Default)
I was recently introduced to the idea that push up bras are false advertising. For some reason its stuck in my head. I keep coming back to it. Maybe its because of the idea that I am inherently advertising anything. Or maybe its the thought that my comfort is something to be scrutinized by someone else. I might be more sensitive about breast size conversations right now because of the size change post surgery. I know I am. I specifically bowed out of a conversation about underwear because of it. I will get over it and move on. Right now its a sore spot.

Still, push up bras simply move tissue from one place to another. They don't really add size, they change shape. No biggie right? Apparently no. Hell moving the straps on a bra to a cross in the back makes the breasts look 1-2 cup sizes larger, is that false advertising too?

I've been wearing super supportive bras since high school when I got bigger than a b cup. Wearing a bra that is supportive I rarely think about my breasts. It certainly not advertising in any way. There are shirts I own that I would say are advertising. Bras are rarely seen. I don't wear bras for anyone but me. I am certain than anyone who is allowed to interact with me would prefer I didn't wear any bra so its all for my comfort. The damn things are heavy!
---
NRE is being discussed a bit more with people that I know. I suppose I have a bit of that going on myself. I really enjoy Shirtless' company. Every once in a while I stumble on a subject that reminds me I am older than he is by a fair bit and even more than his gf. 5 years I am used to, 10 or more is a little squeaky. Still, his mind is fascinating and we seem to be navigating those waters fairly well. We aren't in the same place all that often so despite living in the same state we are getting to know one another better online.
---
Winter continues. I have plans at the end of Feb to go visit the sun in AZ. Trying to figure out how to manage the brain til then. I dislike feeling like my brain is a chemistry experiment but balancing all the factors is a bit like that. Vit D, sun exposure, protein, pain killers, activity, rest... Its a giant pain. Starting to understand why the snowbird phenomenon exists. Could I manage a life where 1.5-2 months of the year I was living somewhere else? Better question, would my business survive that?
hypatia42: (Default)
I feels like forever since I have written here rather than a couple of weeks. The news being simple, nobody died. I always feel like that is a positive thing when traveling to KC for the holidays. Business has been busy though it has slowed this week. I have shit to do and no desire to motivate to do it. I did get painting started at the office.

Bringing up difficult subjects right before bed is not a good idea with me. I should have been asleep hours ago but for an email I didn't want to have to deal with that wasn't even sent to me. I'm doing alright after reading fluff for two and a half hours. Fluff is important in this house. Helps me gain a bit of time and perspective. :)

The test for celiac came back negative. I'm still off of gluten for now considering how terrible I felt for the time I had to eat it for the blood test. Yuck. I am finding that I like exploring with food. I really do like cooking. The improvising with ingredients on-hand is a hoot.

Can't really cook for Shirtless. He dislikes anything with flavor. He has liked the things I have cooked for him. Eh. Rare protein and some inoffensive vegetable or fruit seems to make him happy. I can do that but its not much of a challenge.

I've decided I want to travel more this year. I think I can manage it fairly easily with what is planned at this point. Arizona for spring training, Baltimore for NADWcon, Ft Lauderdale for the wedding, southern MO for a float trip(I hope). I wouldn't mind driving over to Madison to see Mr Bee.

Life is doing its thing. I will be glad when the sun gets a better foothold. I've really felt the cold this year. The girl is hanging on living on stubborn. The Honey will likely be traveling more. I love what I do.

Happy January.
hypatia42: (Fire from water)
thoughts keep bubbling up while I am driving. Thus the lack of posting here I think.

Not sure Shirtless is going to last. As selfish as this sounds, I am not interested in being sexual with someone that doesn't like being touched.

In other news, I am cleared to be sexual again. Until the surgery anyway. Crampbark tincture has gotten the worst of the cramping under control so it is possible I might feel up to being sexual at some point in the not too distant future. Long about the time that surgery is scheduled...

I am having a uterine eviction sometime in November I think. Outpatient laproscopic surgery. Removal of the body of the uterus but leaving the cervix and ovaries. No vaginal incision. ~2 week recovery time.

This last is what I have been doing the majority of my thinking about in the past few weeks. Well, other than Shirtless and touch and how strange I feel when it is so hard to find compatible people. Honestly my uterus and I are both on board for this. We have irreconcilable differences. Its been trying to cut its way out of my body for a while now. I'm just gonna give it a helping hand. Thing is, I feel like there ought to be someone there who can help birth that piece of death. Giving birth removes a life from a uterus, be it vaginal or surgical. I will be surgically giving birth to my uterus and birthing the death of that part of my life. Yes, I will want to have a ritual once that is done. I have asked the Dr if I can have the medical waste and she said I will have to talk to the hospital. Feels like the difference I am looking at is there is a person there at the birth to help the mother through the process and there is a ritual to honor the life given after the birth process is over. Two separate events with two different purposes.
hypatia42: (Default)
there was a hurricane and a shit storm at the end of August. There was heat and there was allergy hell. I think I am glad its over.

Today I started P90X Lean. I've been super stressed about the physical issues going on and I know I have been stress eating. I am going to do my best to change that into stress workouts. I am back to not being able to eat enough food because of the muscle building. I feel a bit like I can't win for losing but I know that getting in better shape now will prevent more issues and allow faster recovery when it comes time for surgery. *aside; I just not looked up the word surgery and it doesn't necessarily involve cutting into flesh*

Three difference procedures are on the horizon for me. Possibly two if the first one isn't favorable. But we aren't focusing on that. I've been trying to figure out how to explain why I am so upset about this. The most benign of the three involve reaching inside me, grabbing a piece, and twisting it off. Its a pretty viscerally not fun experience. For those lacking a uterus I would liken it to someone taking a pair of tongs and twisting your uvula off. For the record I have had this done twice now. My recovery time and pattern has not gone well the other times.

I have maintained some sort of marks since CONvergence. Yes this makes me happy. Not being able to have sex is a bummer but there are so many other things than sex I am doing ok. I should hear back from my Dr on Thursday.

I have made two solid connections here in the Twin Cities. Two different guys that I can spend time with and its understood that it is low stress. One is so low stress I never hear from him. The other has three other women and practices what he calls radical honesty. Having seen radical honesty I don't think that is what he is doing but he is committed to not lying. He and I have a lot of philosophy in common.

MrBee's life has slowed down enough that I am finally getting to know him. Its super fun. I enjoy picking his brain about things and he seems to enjoy sharing so for the moment things are all groovy there. I am learning things from him about TeslaCon and I'm really getting excited about that. There will be sewing.

The kids are all back in school as of today. Wolf pup starts his first day of preschool.

We went apple picking over the weekend. Sweetland Orchard really is an awesome place. I love the people who own it. Last weekend was orchard clean up day. I like being able to contribute to the upkeep of a place that I value in a physical as well as monetary way. I think incorporating something like that might be fun for the wellness center.

Be Wellness is the interim name for the wellness center that will be. I told EE that I would be tempted to put bees all over the walls. She said she is fine with that. :) Any positive thoughts/energy you wanna throw our way is appreciated. We have a cider jar in the office right now holding all that stuff. Toss it in with the rest.
hypatia42: (Default)
As per the stereotype of Wednesday as hump day there are good things and bad things and what you choose to focus on is what gets your energy.

bad: I woke for the second day in a row unable to turn my head. Debilitating pain, yes beyond my normal levels and that says something, was stabbing me in the back of the head.
-I have iced it, taken pain meds, rested, slept, honored my boundaries, and gone to see the chiro for the second time this week.
-I feel I have done all I can do for this situation at the moment thus dwelling on it does me no good.

bad: uterus is stabbing me randomly and not so randomly.
-I have done everything I am willing to do for this situation. I am not willing to completely forgo sex until after the issue is finalized(read, months if I am lucky). I have already curtailed most of that activity. Thus this is something I just have to deal with for now.

bad:My house is a wreck and shit needs to get done.
-see above for why dealing with this has not happened yet. Honoring my boundaries means I will go lay down for a nap soon.

Good: MrBee finally got back to me in a real reply kind of fashion. SQUEE. The bee season is slowing down and the kids are going back to school thus more time is available to be devoted to other things.
-people have their own schedules and lives and no matter how much you want to personalize it and beat yourself up, its really not about you.

Good: Shirtless continues to engage in fun ways with me. I enjoy talking with him and his mind is one I like. There are a couple of scratchy bits but in a no-expectation/no-stress paradigm they are not really issues.
-relax and go with the flow. Trust that you know your boundaries, that you will communicate them and they will be respected. You are worth that. *deep breath*

Good: Bad September is a local steampunk band that I got to attend the cd release for last night.
-Did realize that I don't really deal well with being on stage as I am not really a very good exhibitionist.
-made connections with other parts of the local steampunk community. Might have an outlet for that part of me without having to deal with the murder mystery group.

Good: allergy season seems to be calming down for me.

Good: I constantly have amazing people supporting me from across the globe. I know and love and am loved by so many and feel blessed.

Good: people are reaching out to me for love and support in the realms of my ministry and I can do those things in spite of being in pain and low on energy.
-your gifts are those things that can be proffered no matter the situation. You are blessed.

Good things are good. Bad things have been dealt with to the best of my ability. Nap now. Much love.

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