Mar. 8th, 2017 06:20 pm
hypatia42: (Default)
Because I vomited all over a friend's facebook post that was asking for recommendations:

KC style Q is sauce heavy. The rub takes a back seat to the sauce, sometimes being used as a wet rub while smoking but not always. The style of sauce varies significantly though I am not aware of any that don't have a tomato base.

Bryant's sauce has no sugar or molasses in it but is chock full of spices. The joke my dad used to tell was that if your nose wasn't running you didn't have enough sauce. It reminds me quite a bit of the Ethiopian dish berbere.

Jack Stack's sauce is more sweet. They have several different sauces with varying heat to them. I like them because they don't use black pepper as the only way to achieve "heat" in their sauce. It has a lot of flavor to balance out the sweet.

Joe's probably does the best pulled pork in town but their overall presentation leaves something to be desired. The sauce is good but nothing to write home about IMO. The sides are totally what you would expect of a place that started in a gas station. If your goal is pulled pork, definitely go here. Be prepared to wait in REALLY long lines.

Q39 is newish on the scene and has a bit of a hipster vibe. Kinda reminds me of the Butcher and Boar downtown here, only more economical than that. Their sauce is on point. Their meat offerings are really good. Sides vary by season and I have never had a complaint. I seem to remember that they have a good bourbon selection.

Gate's is one that no one has mentioned yet. I don't like them because they are one of the ones that use black pepper as their main spice component and I find it overwhelming yet it doesn't balance out the amount of molasses they use. My dad used to say they have better quality meats to start with than Bryant's but I feel that has changed over the past decade.
hypatia42: (Default)
I've started this thing. I hope to finish it by the end of the year. 1049 official miles. The Saturday, March 4th, kick off was 7.5 miles for me. Hiking up the Eagle Creek gorge to Punch Bowl Falls. Sunday was .85 miles as I did not a hell of a lot, cuddles are important. Monday was a long plane flight at .85 miles again. Yesterday was 1.3 miles and 3 hours of massage. Today my FitBit is dead. Perhaps trying to keep track of this will help me remember to keep it charged.

10.46 miles so far.
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I have been busy. Travelling every other weekend minimum since before Christmas. Some has been good. Some tiring and hard.

Almost 2 weeks in KC taking care of mom after half of her reconstruction was done. Her partner continues to be challenging. He doesn't get me, my communication style, or how I show respect. Its becoming a larger problem. Sadly he never addresses me with his issues.

The cats are beside themselves with being done over us being gone. Anise didn't eat regularly for about a month. I'm hoping that has calmed down. Maybe. Just in time for me to leave for 6 days. At least the Honey will be here.

Speaking of, Wednesday I leave for Portland. PIC is no longer in a relationship with Bean. This may be the first time visiting him in OR that he doesn't have a partner who has issues with our relationship. O.o. I am really looking forward to the trip tho. All about relaxing and recharging.

I an having situational realizations that I deal with things differently than more people. They are becoming more frequent. *sigh* Not sure what to make of this. PIC thinks part of it is not really fitting in where I live. Naturally he thinks I would feel more free to be my true self out west nearer him. 😄

Business is keeping me busy. Volunteer obligations are not. This is okay with me. I've decided not to run for relection to the board this fall. The Pirate Cruise may or may not be a project I continue pushing to manifest. I feel like between my two paying jobs, the photography stuff that doesn't really pay, and my coven commitments I'm tapped out for spoons. This is okat with me.

My digestiom seems to be better since starting the supplements that Dr.Shelby had me on. I'm noticing a more pronounced histamine reaction tho. Not that it wasn't happening before, I'm just noticing now. A friend wants me to get checked out for MAST Cell Activation Syndrome/Disorder. *shrug* I'm willing to try anything at this point. This cannot be normal.

Body pain

Feb. 26th, 2017 01:39 am
hypatia42: (Default)
No fucking clue what is going on any longer. My body is in a state of constant pain and there doesn't seem to be a cause. I need several days of concentrated skin contact. By happy coincidence I am heading to Portland on Wednesday.
hypatia42: (Default)
Friday morning I woke with a head and ear ache. Drove to Chicago for Capricon. The pain steadily got worse over the day. To the point where people at the convention were asking me if I was okay. I changed my plans and didn't do things I wanted to do because of my pain level.
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I got this in Facebook Messenger this morning regarding last night:

"*** was verifying that she had the right names to faces on the way home last night. When she got to you, "the tall woman with the glittery drink, butterfly crown and I think her name is Amy" she also mentioned that you give off a feeling of kindness; even though there wasn't a direct action, when you were in the dining room and looking at your drink, the air in the room was just calm. I agreed that you have good energy."

*name removed, almost adult child of a friend.

It makes me feel good to know that this is how I am perceived by people who don't really know me and I don't interact with much.
hypatia42: (Default)
"Yes I hope that the liberal Democrats don't cause trouble at the inauguration. I'm so excited about vice-president Pence and their pro-life stance. Hopefully he will build a wall like the Vatican has and stop the illegal immigration. He will build up our military and make us strong again. We will be friends with Israel again and he will hopefully stop our tax dollars going to Planned Parenthood. As a Christian it's a win-win."

I just cannot even with this. Like have they no ability to think critically about the world around them? Then I remember church and being told to check my brain at the door...
hypatia42: (Default)
"Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!"

Safe travels Princess. Thank you for teaching me the value of a true leader, the strength inherent in vulnerability, and the knowledge that one can rock a bikini and still rescue oneself not to mention the guy that needs a bit of help.

Hail the Traveler.
hypatia42: (Default)
Last Wednesday my shoulder/neck was so jacked up I had to leave early. Went to my chiro in Minneapolis because I was getting to the nausea stage and nothing else helps at that point. An hour on an ice pack after that and I was able to ride in the car for the trip to KC.

The following day drove to Maryville and got another adjustment. Shoulder/neck mostly resolved so long as I don't try to carry anything. I can tell the muscles are still tight but it isn't causing me active pain.

Last night on the way back to home base from family gatherings all day I was in increasing amounts of pain radiating from my left SI down to my knee by way of my hip socket. When got back I could barely walk it hurt so badly. Took Vicodin. It helped. Enough that I wasn't favoring that leg but the issue was still felt.

This morning when I woke it had come back despite taking a muscle relaxer before bed. Took another vicodin. Again felt better. 2.5 hours after taking it, the relief is gone. I'm back to limping to move, looking pale from the amount of pain, gasping as waves of pain hit, and feeling like I'm useless.

I can feel the tension in my hip and leg pulling on my upper back and I'm terrified that I am going to have one of my headaches on top of the hip and leg pain.
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I realized I don't have a good idea of how often I have incapacitating pain or how long it lasts. Right now we are on day three. I had to cancel 4 hours of massage, 3 clients total today. I saw Dr D for an adjustment and muscle stim today. It helped for a while. Mostly the Sx are in my right side shoulder and neck referring up into the right side of my head.
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Goat cave numbers are high today. Have been for a while. Today is actually a bit lower than yesterday cause the sun is out. I added cuddles to the fantasy of a hammock in a sauna with a sun lamp yesterday. Its a good fantasy.

Feeling like I have been checked out since the election. I'm trying to come out of that but I only have so many spoons. I want to fight and I want things to change and dear gods I want a nap so bad.

I have been wearing a safety pin since I first read about it after the Brexit vote. Now people are getting all upset because it signifies my privilege. Yeah. It does. It also signifies that I am willing to use my privilege to stand up for you. I'm okay with that.

The Honey's work is in flux again. He wants a job that is a challenge for him in a position where he has a chance at making a difference. That isn't where he is now. We shall see where that search takes us.

My work is busy as hell. All of them. This feeds into wanting a nap. I have a bit of time before my clients start for the day. I think I'm gonna do that.


Nov. 5th, 2016 11:56 pm
hypatia42: (Default)
At least I think it is hormones. The feelings of being worthless and like I'm too needy for anyone in their right mind to put up with do seem to cycle like hormones. Lacking the physiological effects of those hormones it is harder to tell.

Pretty sure that I am exhausted too. I miss my meds.

I started a profile on OKCupid. I freely admit that the impetus on that was to look at a profile of a gal who lives in NJ because a friend said it was awesome. I think my profile probably needs work but life is what it is. Figuring out how things work. I was concerned for years that the bullshit would get to me. Now I find that it just rolls off and I can delete it without a second thought. Mostly people have been respectful, only had to block one person so far.

It does confuse me that when I set my preferences to bi-male I get profiles of female presenting members. I dunno what to do about that. Gender and sexuality intersection is strange.

Gods my head hurts.

Food update

Nov. 4th, 2016 10:46 pm
hypatia42: (Default)
I had gluten several times this week. Once in some chili at Famous Dave's. The amount was probably minimal. Last night I was served fries that I noticed had a coating after I had eaten several. Gimme a break, it was late and I was hungry. Today I decided fuck it, if I am already glutened I would enjoy it for a day and went to Rustica.

Rustica is a place that uses older baking styles, longer proofing, and organic flours. Historically I have had less issues with them.

I have not experienced any digestive issues. I might be a bit more gassy than I typically am? Not sure that is causation. Dunno. I have noticed a few more joint issues and muscle weakness. Caveat, in the past two weeks I have pretty drastically increased my activity levels. In addition to my Pilates instruction, I have added 3-4 days of activity walking several miles or swimming laps at the gym. It is possible that the joint issues and muscle fatigue is due to increased activity...

Back in May around the time that things got bad again, after having most of the winter being okay, I had gluten deliberately and had severe digestive symptoms, whole body sweats, and what felt like a fever. I felt like I had been poisoned. Why is this different?

I am beginning to think yeast/mold/mildew is playing a factor in my sensitivity to different foods.
hypatia42: (Default)
I went to see her at the State Theater last night. It was the Honey's idea. He puts her Pandora station on at night when we are getting ready for bed. He was gonna go with me but found out months after we bought tickets that he was needed in Paris this week. I found a wonderful soul to accompany me but it was not the same.

There was one 15 minute long set where she combined her songs with spoken word, explaining the history behind the song or what made her need to write it. It was all about the Irish Famine and how it led to the Easter Rising of 1916, the families torn apart by death and immigration, and the horrible disease many of those who left succumbed to because they were mostly starving with they started the journey. There was a quarantine island off of Quebec City where all the Irish immigrants had to go before they could be sent to places they might find living space in the country. Many of the doctors, nurses, and clergy sent to the island to assist also died of the diseases found there.

Tears were pouring down my face through this whole set. This was my family. That is what they had to go through to try to make a better life in a land not ravished by blight and poverty. Families scraped enough money to send as many people as they could but lots were left behind. Families torn apart never to be reunited. This was my family. This is the reason I exist.

I cannot help but feel as though this is why when foreigners visit Ireland looking for the family lines they have been told about their whole lives they are welcomed and helped. Sure they are spending money too but I hear so many stories of people finding the traces of those old families and being welcomed as kin.

So I apparently need to go. I need to dig the Grandmother's stuff and find what she found. I'm aware that it has likely been over 150 years. Its okay. I just want to stand in that valley and see. Perhaps to honor the pain they had in leaving everything they had ever known gambling with their lives on the hope that utbwould be better because they couldn't imagine it would be worse.
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Michael leaves for Paris in a little over 2 hours. He is only gone for a week this time but I am feeling depleted and down at the outset. I'm not looking forward to this week you might say. I had hoped that I would be able to go visit someone else for a part of this week but work schedules being what they are didn't match up well enough to make that happen. One step at a time, one day at a time.

The original plan for Michael to be gone the first two weeks in October and I was to fly to Dublin to visit friends. He would have met us for a long weekend and then gone on to London. We decided that wasn't wise if we truly want to go to Costa Rica next spring for his 40th. His trip got moved and shortened which is good. But, the decision to not have me go with for this trip is leaving me feeling lost and without connection.

In true ADD style I lost two of the scripts for my ADD meds. These are the kind that CANNOT be replaced if you lose them so I'm scraping by until December. A different system must be devised if I am going to continue to be on meds that are restricted from electronic transfer in the future.

It has been a rather gray fall so far. I can't say I am thrilled about where my brain is at. I don't know what to think or how to manage this right now. I keep wanting a hammock in a sauna with a sun lamp. I don't have one of those handy. I recognize that is some people's version of hell but I'm me and it is what I want. Cuddles and pets would not go amiss.

Food log

Oct. 13th, 2016 10:23 pm
hypatia42: (Default)
Grits with cheese and butter and garlic salt
Dried mango
Feta and pepper cheese spread
Corn chips
Honey nut cheerios and milk
Grilled ham and cheese, butter & mayo
Roasted brussels sprouts with honey harissa olive oil
Pumpkin cider
Hershey bar
Honey nut cheerios
Dried mango
Roasted chicken
Brussels sprouts with honey harissa olive oil
Chocolate milk
Mac n cheese with chicken, peas, and spinach
Hershey bar
hypatia42: (Default)
Looking like residual yeast is a big culprit in my stomach/intestines issue. Today we went down to our favorite orchard to support small business. Several years ago they started a cidery because it makes more money over more months than a pick-your-own apple orchard. I had small amounts of everything they had available this afternoon. An hour later I had a bloated midsection and stomach pain that transitioned in to intestinal pain.

Not sure what this means going forward. Do I avoid anything made with yeast? I don't remember having issues with bread in the past. Though its been a while since I ate bread with any consistency, gluten or no.

I feel pretty confident saying this isn't all of it. But having a clear, "this right here makes the Sx worse," is a little freeing. Gives me a choice in the matter. I like that.
hypatia42: (Default)
Its rather cold and very damp here, having rained and dropped in temp significantly. Point of fact, it is still raining. The windows are open and me? I'm dumb enough to be sitting in front of one letting the cool damp breeze blow over me. At least I wrapped in a blanket.

A sensible person would have closed the window but I had a blanket right? This is the kind of weather that makes me want to open all the windows and pull out my big fluffy blankets. ...And then refuse to get up in the morning because it is so cold. I'm silly sometimes.

I've been reading into the night a lot lately. Feels like I am trying to decompress from the breakneck busy speed I've been going at lately. So I sit and mow through books at a speed that surprises even me.

Time to go cuddle the Honey. Nite.
hypatia42: (Default)
Because my GI doc wants me to write down what I have eaten when I start having intestinal trouble.

Honey nut cheerios
Milk 2% organic
Kabuki salad with chicken, broccoli slaw, kale, nuts, sesame seeds, sesame oil, Bragg, soy sauce, rice vinegar, green beans
Dried mango
Bumble Bar
San pellegrino blood orange
Taco soup; ground beef, taco seasoning, tomato sauce, black beans, corn, chilies tomatoes, kale, cheese
Chocolate milk
Honey nut cheerios
Milk 2%
Started feeling off
Dried mango
Spicy tuna roll
Salmon nigiri
Cucumber seaweed salad
Took pill
San pellegrino blood orange
Blood orange juice
Kabuki salad with chicken, see above
GF snickerdoodle
hypatia42: (Default)
Last Lammas I guested at Ravenstar's ritual since Wellspring wasn't hosting many rituals ourselves, being just two people and all. Dionysus was one of the diety pair and the meat of ritual was to take a guided mediation to go see him and ask him what we needed...I don't remember the intent. Dio did what he does and decided what I needed to hear.

I've been cut off from parts of myself since my relationship with Liam. I am a person who makes connections. No new romantic connections that I've made since we broke up have stuck. For years I was willing to accept that was me holding back in fear that I would let someone treat me that way again, that I wouldn't see what was going on until it was too late, that I was broken.

Meeting my needs was getting too pressing to keep accepting that fear was the cause. So I asked Dio what I needed to do to make having a new connection possible. He said I needed a cutting away, a soul retrival, and to do Pilates. You helped me with the cutting away part last August or so I thought. I kept trying to find someone who could do a soul retrieval that wasn't Brett, he being connected to me I didn't know how that would go. I tried Pilates on YouTube and the videos I have at home. Again, nothing stuck.

In the process of searching for these things bits of my relationship with Liam that I had suppressed began to surface. The number of times where he tried to overwrite my reality and force me to be someone he wanted to be, the perfect sex object that would fix all of his problems. In the midst of the relationship I couldn't see how bad it was, how codependent he was and needed me to be, and how much energy I was using just to maintain some semblance of the real me. I remembered that he chose to blood oath himself to me by words, all my magical names, and blood without my consent. I truly believe that I needed to remember how bad it was before any of the things that Dio told me to do would be effective. I sought help from Odin and Freya at Sacred Space. Aphrodite always supports me and led me to Tyr's door herself. So I began learning about him and his story.

At FG this August(coming full circle eh?) I asked to talk with Tyr face to face. I explained that I was bound without my consent by an oath I didn't agree to. I asked that he in his role as oath keeper take that oath from me and release my bonds. He said what he witnesses he can break. He took someone's blade and cut it away from me. We are talking hair came off and so did toenail polish, it was that close. He then closed off the wounds left behind. All the while I was calling my stolen power home to me and visualizing the holes left in the one who took it from me cauterized with blue/white light so that the familiar place was closed to my energy.

The rest of August went as you know and for the first time in years I felt my solid connection to the PoP of Love that lets me be who I am and who I need to be for my goddess. After getting back to Mpls I started trading with a gal in my office building who is an expert Pilates instructor. I reached out to Brett and asked him to do a soul retrieval. He and Beth did that for me around September 10th. That week I traveled to Chicago by way of staying in Madison overnight with Mr Bee. He and I now have a developing connection and I'm profoundly thrilled to see where it goes.

Since the soul retrieval, as the last piece of my Dio puzzle, I have been SUPER functional. I can tell I'm working awake and in my sleep. I've made another much softer connection to a priest of Dio. I'm getting new clients in my business. I'm working on my photography marketing. Wellspring has three students now and is moving in positive directions. I'm dealing with my digestion issues on several different fronts. Even those Sx have been better since the last puzzle piece came together. Correlation =/= causation. I know.

Its strange because I kinda feel like I'm doing a really good job of running down a really steep hill right now. Like I'm looking around wondering when I'm gonna trip and fall on my face but until then I'm going to use the momentum.


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